"Let's go to the Neverland..."
"Neverland? You believe in it? 'Yong sa Peter Pan?" Natatawa kong tanong.
"Yeah. There, we will heal. It's all just peacefulness and love."
"Ang korni naman!" Tawa ko ulit.
Nangingiti niya akong hinalikan sa pisngi. "Are you going to come with me?"
"Saan? Sa Neverland?"
"Yes."
"Of course, be it Neverland or anywhere. Basta ikaw ang kasama ko."
He kissed me again and nodded. "Oo. Basta magkasama tayo."
All my life, I never forget to ask questions. Noong bata ako, iritado ang teacher ko sa'kin dahil palagi akong nagtatanong. 'Yong mga obvious na bagay na hindi naman dapat tinatanong, tinatanong ko pa rin just to make sure.
"Get one fourth piece of paper."
"Ma'am, one fourth po?" Tanong ko and everyone teased me.
Nakitawa ako pero I find it rude. When you're curious, you learn. When you ask questions, you'll know. That's my motto.
But today, I failed myself. My motto and my belief. I failed everything. My daughter, my love and everyone around me.
"Bakit hindi ka nagtanong?"
"Because I'm afraid of the truth."
"And you're afraid you'll be sinned."
Maybe it's true. Maybe it's not. Ano nga ba ang kinakatakutan ko? Na malaman ng lahat na even if I feel like a mistress ay pinagpatuloy ko o ang malaman ang katotohanan at masampal ng reyalidad na hindi siya para sa'kin?
Maybe it's both.
No'ng araw na nalaman kong buntis ako ay sumama ako sa tatay ko papuntang ibang bansa matapos ang ilang araw. I remember how my mother went berserk because of it. She said I'm leaving her too. We both cried but I can't change my decision.
Gusto kong lumayo. Ayokong makagulo at tingin ko, mas makakabuti ang pagbubuntis ko sa ibang bansa kesa sa lugar kung saan punong puno lang ng sakit sa'kin.
I never had the chance to talk to Leo or I never wanted to talk to Leo over again. The day I found out I'm pregnant was the day I made the hardest decision. I let go of him.
Umalis ako nang pangalan niya ang huling nakikita ko sa phone ko. He never missed a chance to call me and message me for a meet up that I refuse to entertain.
Umalis ako nang hindi siya kinakausap and no matter how much I want to say that it's my biggest regret, ayokong sabihin. Kasi ang kapal kapal ng mukha kong sabihin 'yon gayong kasalanan ko kung bakit walang naging ama ang anak ko.
"He's my brother."
"My son calls him 'Papa' because he has no father to call 'Papa'. I am a single mom and my brother was kind enough to let my son treat him as his real father. To make everyone think that he is his father. Dahil ayaw niyang maranasan ng anak ko, ng pamangkin niya ang lumaki ng walang ama."
"When we are young, our father used to abuse us. At a young age, Leo learned to work all kinds of bad deeds. He was a wreck. A bad boy. But a kind brother to me. He did all those bad things so I will live. He was the kindest. The sweetest. He may not be a good person to everyone but he's the best brother to me and I won't get tired wishing that if ever I'll live again, I want him to reincarnate as my father, brother or even my son. "
"The day he found out that I'm pregnant was the day he changed. We live in the same house. Our father abandoned us. He used to smoke but when he found out that I'm pregnant, he stopped so his nephew won't be in danger. When he already got the money, he bought us a condo to stay. So I won't remember the abuse and violence of our father while taking care of my son."
