The best thing life ever gave him || Shadow and Bone || The Grishaverse

The best thing life ever gave him

She was power. She was magnificent, his hope, his equal and his counterpart all together. Though her power was only starting to show, he knew it would be greater than anything he had ever witnessed.

He wanted her power, needed her power. But he wanted her to give it to him, deliberately. He wanted her to... admire him, to seek him, to want him, to be his.

But she wasn't his, not yet.

Like everyone, she was scared of him and attracted to him at the same time. She had that pull too. Without the dark circles around her eyes and with the strength of her power flowing freely in her body, she was attractive, at least, to him. Maybe it was him. He had waited for her for so long, even before the fold. He sensed that something was missing in his life. He knew something was coming. A light to lighten up his path. She was literally that light. He knew the moment he touched her arm to roll her sleeve up. He sensed it. She was destined to be his.

Through his constant travels and obligations as general Kirigan, he always found the time to see her even for a few seconds. She never saw that he was looking at her. She would probably find it creepy. He thought and grinned a little.

He was in the War Room the night she came. When he saw her he was a little enraged: why had none of his guards stopped her from walking around Little Palace with so little on her body? She was in her nightgown! Had she really encountered no one on her way there? Why was she there?
"Am I... disturbing you?" Her voice was light, unsure. Her gaze lingered on him.
"Not at all," he said looking at her "Can't sleep?"
She looked embarrassed, almost guilty when she nodded and fully entered the room.
He let her sip from his chalice, something he would have done with no one else, and he started to talk.
Talking with her seemed so easy. It was simply letting words out of his mouth, without planning or scheming. He was letting his mouth move and looking at her, observing her every feature, every part of her skin that was bare for his sight, every wave of her black now-tamed mane.
She looked up at him for a few seconds and then looked down like she couldn't bear his gaze, like she didn't want him to see her for what she was.
He knew what she was, he told himself countless times, he knew what she was, she is just a girl, an orphan, raised as an orphan, an orphan that wants attention.
But then she wasn't, she didn't try to be appreciated, to be admired and to please others. She wanted to be like she had always been, a simple cartographer who no one sees when she passes by.
However, she couldn't. Not now... maybe in a hundred years or when she'll change her name for the first time.
He went on, speaking of his reign and the others who were threatened by her mere existence. He told her about uprisings, about how many people he had buried and how lonely he had been. He seemed so soft with that talk, he wasn't, it was her fault he kept babbling. She made him almost insecure, because he thought he knew everything, but she kept surprising him.
"Aleksander."
Such a beautiful sound.
He couldn't watch her at that moment.
And when he was overwhelmed by his emotions and his darkness took the entire room, she took his wrist and light poured out of her and surrounded him.
At that moment he looked into her eyes and she stared back, without the shyness he saw before, without embarrassment. Her lips, parted, were taunting him. A jolt passed through his body, starting from the light touch of her hand. Her eyes, illuminated by her own power, were as deep as his darkness.
He was mesmerized.
It was all too quick, and he felt cold when her hand left his wrist. Still, he kept his eyes on her, not wanting to miss even the smallest emotion in her eyes.
He saw... he saw... she was struggling. For a moment he thought she didn't want to be in that situation, that she touched him only to say that she didn't want to hear anything he was saying. He was wrong, and he noticed it, for something changed in those two black pools and though the blinding light was gone, they lightened up and softened. And he understood.
"You are not alone."
Her interior conflict became even more evident, she was struggling because she wanted to help him, and she didn't know how.
Such a silly girl, how can she not see that she is the best thing that life ever gave him? She was so pure he felt almost unworthy when he cupped her face with his hand. Nevertheless, he pulled her to him.
"I've been waiting a long time for you," he said. Truer words were never spoken.
She seemed so surprised and stunned. Why would she? He already told her that. Could she feel his emotions? He wanted answers but before he could say anything-
"I should go," she whispered, her eyes still in his, her skin burning hot under his hand, and then he retracted his hand fast enough not to seem a fool with a hand waiting midair.
Although he promptly reacted and showed no change of emotions, it hurt to no longer touch her skin.

She exited the room quietly and he returned to his map.
It felt bitter. He was too affected by her every move, so he didn't question himself when his legs moved on their own and brought him to face the door.
What was he going to say? What did he want to say? What did he want?
Her. This was certain. But how did he want her? He didn't know.
Too many questions and too little time to answer them. She was already gone.
And it was too late. So he closed the door, a physical reminder that he couldn't make a fool out of himself and run after the little girl.

That night he laid in his bed and though his head was full of thoughts and questions, mostly about her, he fell asleep and had one of the most restful nights in centuries, because he wasn't alone anymore.

Notes:
Thanks for reading!! Leave love, we all need it, our Aleks more than us!