Dark Cold Confusion

NUMB

The world is in deep slumber
And the moon shows no longer  the glistening warm glow
It's cold and evil
Dark and gore
For once I find peace in being alone
I find happiness
when the world's loud presence,
Isn't chocking me anymore.

It's painstakingly quiet
But I don't seem to mind
My mind wanders to the most inner vaults
Opening and closing haunted memories
Breaking rusted chains, and crooked locks
I pull out each and every memory strand,
to the front of my mind
It no longer looks real
No longer human
Its been disgustingly mortified,
With my strong emotions
It's still alive,
The warm blood still dripping from it's broken weak veins
It's soul still breathing for life
Looks weak but shows no sign of death

Shutting close the teary eyes
I stop my racing mind
I turn the page
Without thinking twice without cleaning the mess.

But there I'm welcomed,
to a page painted blank
Not a single life has touched it
The page doesn't bring me hope or warmth 
It doesn't give me any emotions
It's emptiness leaves me numb
The tensed air around me
Crushes my weak bones
The shivering mouth couldn't shout loud
My hands chains itself from doing anything
From doing anything that will calm me down
My heart salivating for that sweet vulnerable pain
Controls everything.

When will it's soul writher?
When it's life drain out of it?
When will my drowning body,
Rise out from the dark?

When will I finally breathe?