Battle of intentions

24. We're already different

"I can not say I was startled, I knew you'd return." He shrugged, taking a seat opposite me. I was not in the mood to eat, I was not in the mood to be chatty either but considering they had taken me into their home when I needed it the most. I could only act graceful and grateful. Looking around, two little boys stared at me fondly with curiosity. Excitement in the pit of my stomach made itself known. I couldn't hide the smile that curved on my lips.

"You knew I'd return?" I questioned.

"Of course, you and the young lady were already having heated arguments in public like scorned married couple. That is honestly the time when you need to re-evaluate every single one of your actions. My breaking point was when she had me begging against the door. I knew it was indeed over for me. Couldn't love another that way again." Austin muttered, feeding one of his boys. His wife soon arrived and began to feed the other. I couldn't tell them apart but they did. Which I found quite astonishing.

"Austin, thinks he is quite the therapist mind reading psychologist whatever it may be. It only makes things worse when everything he says keeps coming to pass." Merrigold told me. I almost choked on my orange juice, with the discomfort of being discussed in my absence.

"Love, do admit that I was right. First off, he stares at only her when there's a room full of beautiful women. He doesn't even know it yet but I do because I've been there. Lord Hugh, as vulgar as it might sound, the second you start failing to go for round two because all you want to do is hold her in your arms and forget time instead that is indeed a serious breaking point."

His wife rolled her eyes but it was true. I wouldn't openly admit it but it was true. As much as I loved making love to her, sometimes all I wanted was to simply talk to her about anything. Was it making love? I found myself baffled by my choice of words.

"May I ask a question? It's been on my mind for so long."

"Sure!"

"What happened between Nora's mother and Gerry Wickham?"

There was awkward silence. Austin turned to look at his wife then back at me. Nora had never really said or acknowledged it. It's something that really interested me. I wanted to know what was so horrid that would have Nora despising of white men, herself and amongst other self hate issues she displayed. There was so much to loathe white people for but Nora, goodness. She couldn't stand us. I could always see her fraudulent smiles, make-believe laughter— if she could, I knew she'd have preferred not to say a word. She had this regretful attitude every time we had sex, always wanting to leave as soon as she could. Not staring into my eyes at all, it made me wonder how this pregnancy had affected her mentally. Nora had told her father it was a black man from the Gallagher plantation as if more than anything she wished this, I wasn't the man responsible but I was.

"Seems as if I came at the right time?" Austin's father entered the room, pulling out a chair for himself. I had only met him once, he displayed a sense of entitlement. "I remember the story as clear day light. I was on my plot minding my own when—"

"He doesn't care about what you were doing? Praying, fasting whatever it may be, he doesn't.  Neither do I." Austin huffed, he seemed to be irritated by everything his father did. At the back of my mind, I wished I still had a father to be annoyed with. Throw a little banter here and there. I wanted to be a good father, I would try my best. Even when the mother can't stand me, I would try my best to take this only opportunity I've been given to be a father. Even with my family, I would try and be there for her. Biggest problem of all was, she wouldn't be safe in London or anywhere as long as my family knew. They'd certainly dispose of her before the public hears of it.

"Do you want to tell the story then Austin since you know it all?"

"I think Lionel needs a change..." Merri interrupted.