White Roses Singing | TodoDeku

Todoroki = Patrick

TW: panic attack (fairly mild), self harm ideas (no self harm it is VERY brief, coming from someone who's struggled with it it's really nothing at all)

      Todoroki was good at having crises on his bed in the middle of the afternoon. He'd discovered that while having maybe his third one that week alone, sprawled on the Japanese styled sheets like a depressed wannabe starfish. His name was Patrick, now.

      Patrick if he were gay and really sad.

      And bi.

     He smacked his head into frustratingly soft pillows until he eventually gave up and slumped over, letting out a depressing "scream". It was more just a really low, drawn out A.

      Relationships were hard and he wanted to cry, just without the headaches and crusty eyeballs. But, those were inevitable, so he just avoided crying. No crying for him. So manly.

      He laughed weakly. Kirishima would be proud, even if he'd encourage crying.

      He slammed his head against the mattress a few more times. He wasn't sure exactly what he was thinking, really. He was worried, but for what? His relationship was fine, his father had eventually stopped nagging him, and his hero work was good too. His life was going great!

      But something pestered him more than his father. It was Midoriya. It wasn't that he was bad, but the opposite. He was amazing, too amazing. Todoroki didn't feel worthy.

      He was amazing, too, he supposed. He was strong, smart, a good hero. But something in his mind said otherwise and it annoyed him deeply. He wanted to be with Midoriya, but he didn't want Midoriya to be stuck with him.

      Breakup, breakup, breakup.

      His mind chanted the word over and over until he genuinely thought about it. It would hurt, sure, but . . . it would be the only logical solution. Breakup with Midoriya and they could both be happy. Alone. Without each other. It hurt to think about, but Todoroki couldn't help but think it was best.

      Breakup.

      The  word made his heart ache. He'd hurt Midoriya, he knew he would. He'd hurt himself, too. But it had to be the only choice.

      It had to be.

      If it wasn't, he was about to fuck himself over.

      hey, zu?

      It didn't take long for a response. Hi Sho! What's up?

      He typed out the message a few times. can we talk? Delete, delete, delete. He wasn't going to do this now, right? No, no.

      i love you <3

      The heart was only for good measure. He hated the thoughts in his mind and he wanted Midoriya to be happy. It would make him a terrible boyfriend, and person, if he just dumped him the same day he'd even thought about it. He'd think about it for a while. That had to be the best choice. He did love Midoriya, after all. It had to make sense.

      Aw! I love you more!

      no way. i love you more than anything, even soba

      Well i love you more than i love my limited edition All Might posters

      i love you more than i love being a hero

      Well i love you more than I love being a hero!

      He's so precious.