Shadows Ablaze

Chapter 22- Jaxon

The cafeteria is packed when I enter, the wave of noise slicing through me like an unwelcome gust of wind. Today is my first day back on duty at the station after the interrogation. I'm not wearing my uniform yet. Instead, I decided on some loose slacks I found at the bottom of my drawer and the same dirty t-shirt I wore yesterday. I don't have many choices.

I enter the buffet line, grabbing a paper bowl before edging down the line. There are six large metal bowls sitting on the table, each containing a hoard of pills. I grab a pill from each and a half slice of bread from the basket. Although we always get a "real meal" the day after injections, I'm always surprised when it actually shows up on the table. Bread is expensive and it's a comfort we don't see very often, making it all the more shocking when I notice we haven't run out yet.

I fill a cup with water before looking for a place to sit. Scanning the room, I catch Bear's black eyes as he stares at me from over Raccoon's round skull. His bushy eyebrows lift and yank closer, the hairs knitting themselves together so tightly I'm worried he won't be able to disconnect them. His shoulders pull back, chest puffing as he says something to Raccoon and Sloth, who both swing around to stare at me.

It's said that you shouldn't look a predator in the eyes; they'll take it as a challenge. But Bear isn't a predator, he's just an insecure boy with a big—and hairy—body. I walk toward the table where he sits, not on purpose, but rather because I need to reach one behind it. Bear stands, as if to greet me. The noise in the cafeteria dies down at the gesture.

I snort. "Sit down, Bear."

"What did you just say to me?" he grunts, his shoulder ducking as he takes a step closer.

I continue walking, unconcerned. Any fight with him can't possibly top the one from the dealers' warehouse. "I'm not interested in one of our fantastic conversations today." Each word drips with sarcasm. "As great as it sounds, I'd really like to not kill any more of my brain cells by talking to you." My gaze flashes around the room, noting the numerous eyes on us, but my focus is elsewhere. "Thanks for the generous offer, though."

I'm about to pass him when he steps in front of me, forcing me to halt.

"Just because you got in, doesn't make you any better than me, you got that?" he growls, words low in threat. Of course he can't handle the fact that I got the job with the police department and not him. I'm sure that was a shot to his ego but he needs a couple of those to get his feet back on the ground, if that's even possible.

My expression remains neutral, not daring to react to his comment. I glance at him with tired eyes. "No one ever said I was better than you, but based on that sweat rolling down your forehead and the stench of body odor coming off of you right now, I'd say I might be cooler than you."

His teeth grind in his mouth, his jaw rocking back and forth. He lunges at me, arms spread wide. Typical Bear. I step graciously backward one step, avoiding his wingspan as he tumbles past me. The 'splat' sound carries through the now deadly silent cafeteria as he collides with the ground. He clambers to his feet, heaving. I imagine the fall knocked the wind out of his lungs. That, and his newly smothered ego probably makes him breathless. "You're going to regret that," he hisses.

My lips purse as I begin moving forward. "No, I won't. Be a good Bear and go eat your breakfast, okay?" I coon in mockery.

I can feel all the eyes in the room boring into my back as I take a seat in front of Faron, but I don't pay any attention to them. He doesn't glance up at me, probably too nervous to admit he is associated with me. I can't blame him, but he is the only one not gawking at me right now, making him even further out of place.

"Today, we're royalty. A fine meal. A sliver of expensive bread. This is the life." I shoot my hands into the air, bringing them down gently on the back of my chair. I lift the half slice of bread to my lips, taking a greedy bite and tossing it about my tongue, doing my best to savor the taste. Wonder how many loaves the headmaster stashed in his office, wanting to keep some of this noble treasure for himself. Faron lifts his head as the noise in the cafeteria returns, pretending that nothing happened. When his gaze meets mine, something is different, but I don't have time to register it before his focus shifts to the bread in my hand.

I take another bite, having nearly inhaled half of it already, and watch as his eyes follow. The tip of his tongue pokes out from between pale lips. It flicks in the air, almost as if it were attempting to lick whatever scent floats in it.

I laugh. "Dude, don't drool on yourself. Didn't you get any when you were grabbing breakfast?" I use that word loosely. Nutrition pills aren't the ideal form of a meal. But I guess, if it'll keep us alive, it's better than nothing.

Faron doesn't respond. His gaze doesn't even shift to meet mine, so intensely focused on the half-eaten food in my hand.

I roll my eyes, tossing the bread to him across the table. He needs the extra carbs anyway, he looks like a stick. Faron grips the slice, instantly swallowing it in two large bites.

"Seriously, man?" I scoff. "At least chew it before you swallow. Jeez." I cock my head to the side, gulping my pills down one after the other. "The disrespect for fancy food." I toss my uncombed hair, sending it into the air. "Ya know, someone really needs to teach you some dinner manners." I jab my finger at him, gulping down another pill. "The wrong person catches you being unappreciative like that..." I trail off. "Hold on! Where's my thank you?"

Faron doesn't so much as look at me, instead he analyzes his fingers, scoping out any crumbs he may have left behind.

"Hello," I drawl out the word, trying to get his attention. "Earth to Faron."

The boy looks up at me, something about his eyes still off. Maybe it's the bags under them, or the bright red, bloodshot look. I know how hard the first couple weeks here are. Well... not personally, but I've watched newcomers come and go. It's always a difficult transition. I imagine that's the same thing he's dealing with.

I feel an odd desire to bring him out of his funk. I haven't known him for long, but our conversation a couple days ago in the cafeteria during the storm has somehow made me feel closer to the kid. Maybe it's the pity that makes me stomach sink to my feet. We both lost our families. And as much as I hate to admit it, I think he had it worse than me. I never knew my family. I never knew the people who left me at the doorsteps of this building. I never had the chance to get to know them and grow attached. But based on his story, I can tell he loved them.

Granted, I don't know much about that word 'love' or the feeling that accompanies it. I felt it. A long time ago. I loved Gatlin like a brother. He was my brother. But it has been five years since he left—died—since he died. And five years is enough time to forget how an emotion feels. Five years is enough to forget the way it crushed you to hear the news. To attend the funeral... not that it was much of one. To not be allowed to see his body because it was too disintegrated by the acidic ocean he fell in. To never get closure. Five years is enough time to forget the extent to which you broke. But I remember the way my pulse stopped. The way my limbs shook. The way my heart ripped out of my chest. I remember trying to hold back the tears that begged to mark my cheeks. And the waterfall that fell when I wasn't strong enough to build the dam.

I remember it hurt. Love hurts. Especially when they leave you alone to fend for yourself against a world that wants to shatter you. Love breaks you in a way that nothing else ever can.

I peek at the clock on the wall, pulling myself out of the black hole in my mind and sealing it shut. It's almost time for me to report to the station and I still need to get ready. "Look, man," I start. "I have to go to work, but when I get back, let's go do something. Maybe we can try that restaurant on the border of downtown. I've heard it's good and with this new job, I can cover the cost."

I smile as he looks up at me. He tilts his head, tongue licking the air once more. Faron drops his head in agreement. I guzzle down the last pill in my bowl and the remainder of the water in my cup before standing from my place at the table. I toss both items in the trashcan as I leave the room, embracing the calm of the hall as I make my way back to the dorm room.