TO LIE WITH MIDNIGHT ROSES

||29||

XAVIER

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

Unwanted thoughts of Renessa plagued my mind; a mess of unspoken thoughts and desires and a stirring of envy crept its way into the back of my mind where the sound of her laughter and Ryker's voice echoed.

I wanted to be the one who made her laugh the way he was able to. Why couldn't I be the one to watch her lips curve as the dimples formed in her cheeks when she smiled?

Though the memory of how she fell asleep with our fingers intertwined the other night felt warm and also somehow daunting it scared me how much I ached for it to happen again and it scared me that I wanted it too.

I want her and I shouldn't. She would only cause me trouble, she could ruin everything.

I often still wondered why I didn't just leave her behind that night, I still questioned it but... I think I know why. At first, I thought it was because I wanted redemption and I did. I do, but deep down, the moment I saw her eyes I knew I needed to get to know her.

It didn't help that the memory of the night I had met Ryker and Jaxon replayed in my mind as well. How they hadn't left me. How they took me in and accepted me. Helped me run, helped me hide and then Vincent — how they had left him. How they still suffered from their choice and I knew I needed to save her, how could I live with that same burden? I had a choice and I do believe saving her was the right one.

Making my way through the trees now, quietly moving between the branches as I hunt my mind brings me back to a familiar setting.

"What happened before?" I had asked as Jaxon, Ryker and I made our way through the bare trees one late November evening many, many years ago. A few years after we had first met.

We continued walking, looking for our next kill.

"I remember that night I met you both, Ryker had mentioned something... someone, you left behind?"

We hadn't spoken about it, none of them ever bringing it up since that night in Portland. It's silent for a moment, the only sound was the crunching of branches and leaves beneath our boots before one of them spoke.

"Vincent," Ryker mumbled, looking over to his brother who had grown quite aloof, looking off into the distance.

"He was our friend," Ryker spoke. "He was our friend and he was dying and... we left him."

"That's enough," Jaxon ordered. "There's no need to relive this, Ryker!" He had stopped dead in his tracks, shooting his brother a look of fury.

"Xavier is like family now. He deserves to know!"

    "It's not—,"

"Everyone makes mistakes, Jaxon!" Ryker interrupted.

"Mistakes, yes." Jaxon sighed, "Mistakes don't involve leaving someone to die."

"You guys don't have to tell me. It's alright." I had stated, feeling rather uncomfortable for having brought it up.

"He may not want to but I will," Ryker said, his voice low and harsh as his upper lip curled. "We made some bad decisions in our lifetime."

"This being our worst." Jaxon had added.

"We weren't familiar with Vampire hunters at the time," Ryker started, "We didn't know what to look for, what the signs were or how fast and agile they were."

"We didn't know how equipped they were or how strong either," Jaxon added.

The wind had howled, rustling the branches as the last of any leaves hung on by a thread. The two brothers stood before me, eyes dark, hungry and angry all at the same time. The moonlight danced on their pale skin as they looked at me.