TO LIE WITH MIDNIGHT ROSES

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RENESSA

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There was something scorching in my veins as I woke.

My eyes felt heavy and the weight of the world sat upon my chest as I lay in bed. I wasn't even sure how I had made my way into Xavier's room or why I even came here but I did.  Though his bed was never used by him to sleep, somehow the sheets still had his familiar scent that set me into slumber.

    At night, I did not dream of my life many years ago. I did not remember as Roman had asked me to try and do. Instead, I dreamt of the woods, the rustling trees and my name that was sung so eerily and I think maybe I had heard it before that day down at the Devil's bath.

Sometimes at night, locked away in my house that sat silently behind tall trees and a narrow driveway, I felt like I was being pulled outside. Like someone called me, my name was a soft song in the breeze but with Damien gone my feet had always stayed planted. I never moved, never followed, just sat still and thought maybe it was my mother. My brain had conceived me; it was her out there, calling for me, looking for me.

The memory of her had never left but the way she died did and for that, I was thankful because now I had to face the truth and relive the reality of something I had forgotten so long ago. All of the things I forgot and now remembered etched their way back into my mind like a needle and thread sewing visions and memories back into places they were once patched over.

Since Roman had dug into my mind I haven't been able to sleep properly, focusing only on the past while trying to figure out my future was wearing me down.

    Xavier had released so much tension I hadn't realized was built up inside my muscles. Like the night he found me, my body was wound up tight like a wire ready to snap and then suddenly I did. His body and mine together, his fingers on my skin. His eyes, his lips, his everything. I had come undone only to be spun back up again. Anger and some other emotion I can't quite name fills my chest with a hollow, dull ache.

Heartache, I think. A slow burn that is building rapidly within me as I sit up, gripping the silky sheets beneath my fingertips, I want to scream.

Turning my head, I peek out the window, noticing that last night's cold rain had turned into thick and heavy flakes of snow.

Shivering, I make my way to the bathroom, deciding today I would go see Finley and Jade and do whatever it is I need to do for them so I can get the hell back out of here. Looking in the mirror, slowly I start to recognize my own face again, unlike the first time I stood in here with the weight of the world crashing over me. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle everything that awaited me. Instead, now I know I can, I have. Death, betrayal, heartache, all of it. I've made it through before and I would do it again, only stronger this time.

Damien's lies would not ruin me and Xavier's impulses would not phase me but that didn't stop the rage I felt pooling in me like hot oil, sizzling inside my mind, pressure building up hot tears behind my eyes. I hold it in, for now, knowing that at some point it would escape me. The scary part was never knowing when or what will happen when it does.

Hours later, late into the evening, I stand in Romans study washed and dressed with a head full of emotions but my game face was on. Both the women from last night stand across from me on the other side of the room, arms crossed and eyes curious. Jade glares while Finley smiles and Roman circles around me, walking towards his desk much like the first time I met him.

"Did you remember anything in your dreams?" He asks.

"No. I had many other things on my mind if you must know," My voice comes out snarkier than expected.