bucky barnes imagines

xvi. comfort

You jolt awake, heavy breathing startling you. Your eyes strain to adjust to the dark, until they finally focus on a silhouette sitting up in the bed.

"Bucky?" you say, concerned. His head turns, and his eyes are full with panic. You sit up quickly, bracing your hands on the mattress.

You shuffle closer to him. "Nightmare?" you ask. He nods his head and you lift a hand to his back, rubbing it soothingly. "I can't keep waking you up with these," he mumbles.

"It's not your fault i'm a light sleeper," you reply. He still shakes his head. "Besides, i'd rather be awake to help you."

He meets your eyes. "I don't deserve you," he says. "You deserve me and more."

   He turns away. "How long have you been awake Buck?" you ask. "A while," is his only response.

He reaches a hand over to yours in your lap, clutching it, the cold metal soothing. "I see them every time I close my eyes. Do you think it'll ever stop?" he whispers.

"Yes. You will get better, Bucky. It'll take a while, and you might feel like its endless, but it will get better. And i'll be with you the whole time." You reply.

His eyes soften. "I can believe that. But everyone else will still see me in a different way, it's just who I am to them." He pauses. "People will always fear me. They'll see horror and pain, and they'll-" You cut him off, "Bucky."

He looks up. "I've told you this many times. And i'll continue telling you it. You are not the horrors you have committed. There will always be people who will feel that way, who will see you that way, but it matters most from the people who don't."

"I love you. You have many people who do. Focus on that. I know there's no way to stop the nightmares, but at least when your awake you can try to think about that. And I know it's hard, but this is how you'll heal."

His eyes glass over. You reach up to cup his face, and he leans in to kiss you softly. "You make me want to heal, y/n."

   He tucks a strand of hair away from your face. "I love you," he kisses you again, "so much."

You fight the stinging in your eyes and smile softly, "Come." You lay down, opening your arms for Bucky. He climbs into your embrace and nuzzles his head against your chest.

   You wrap your arms around him and run tentative strokes down his back. "Goodnight," you whisper, and kiss his head, "Goodnight y/n," he says back.

   You hold him through the night, both of you clutching each other as if one could not bear to lose the other, even while in deep slumber.

• • •

an: thank you so much for 16k reads! i honestly cannot believe it, and i'm so grateful.

this chapter kinda has a different writing style, i think it's changed over the past few months, and when i read the earlier chapters in this i almost cringe because it's so different. but, i tell myself that so many people have read it and liked it and that makes me feel better.

anyways, i hope you enjoyed! :)