Until We're More Than A Nightmare

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE... WHEN SHE LET HIM GO

This is more than the rest... I lose the game.

      If you were gaming in the middle of the night and found yourself sleepy, will you give up? Would not continue playing the game you started with?  Maybe I will.  We will sometimes stop playing to gain another strength in the morning.  But if the game you play is not just an ordinary game.  What if the game is about you and the person you love? Will you stop if you felt so tired?

If you are tired of loving someone.  If you are tired of making things about them. It's up to you if you're going to accept the fact that you lose.

  You are not lost if you're going to rest. You are not a loser if you are going to find yourself.

Find yourself... If they keep hurting you.

                            * * * * * *

Zhyke

         I thought it was just a dream, I thought I will never be hurt again. If only I can erase my feelings like how I undo every word I type. If only I could let him go without hurting myself. If only I never met him. Maybe, I wasn't crying now. I am just the same smiling child before.

If...if I wasn't grown up and found the thing they called love.

I feel so exhausted from being me.  I feel tired of letting myself believe that everything will be alright. Because I know, in the very beginning that someday I will be hurt.  But even though I already knew it, even until now.  I keep letting myself believe that he is enough.

He is enough... I wish.

But if we were just a piece inside a novel,  maybe we are not in a fairytale. Maybe we are just the fish and bird looking at each other. Maybe we don't have a happy ever after.

Nightmare is us. 

Believing in lies is our title.  If only I knew from the beginning that we will end up like this.  I prefer to remain in the first five chapters. Those chapters in which I see myself looking into your eyes without pain. Which I never beg you not to go.

Why do stories have to end?

...or this is just the beginning?

But you are not aware of how rude you are.  You are not aware of how ruthless you are.  Because you are the pain. Because you are my favorite pain.

And he was just there, standing close to me without even showing any emotions. I can't see the sadness in his eyes...just empty. That is how stern he is.

I can feel heavy in every inch of me. I feel heavy that I almost give up and rest.  The little voice inside me who usually told me to take some rest... is gone.  Even the anonymous cheerful voice in my head is tired of telling me to stop.  Because I won't. Because I know he can heal this broken feeling.

You broke me... fix me, please.

Please...

He stepped even closer to me and hold my shoulder again. I can not find a way how to move my body away from him.

Should I flinch away?

....or I will let him touch me...again.

But despite this feeling, I tried to open my mouth but no words or voices were escaping from my throat.  I can't say even a single word.  My mind is screaming and yelling at him for any words...but my lips betrayed me.  I can't speak.