'If you don't think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your life, think again. That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key. Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future. Here is the tragedy: when you are the victim of depression, not only do you feel utterly helpless and abandoned by the world, you also know that very few people can understand, or even begin to believe, that life can be this painful. It always is. The deepest fear we have, 'the fear beneath all fears,' is the fear of not measuring up, the fear of judgment. It's this fear that creates the stress and depression of everyday life.'
•Carls POV•
I tried forgetting. I've tried causing myself pain and harm, but it got me nowhere. I tried to drown my demons, but they can swim. I need to learn to swim before they drown me into a pool of depression and sorrow. But I'm afraid it's already happened. Your imagination is more powerful than knowledge, or strength. But what if your mind, you imagination, is dark? Demonic almost?
Then you my friend, are already sick.
There's no code for depression, there's no 'conspiracy' and there is definitely no helping you once you are in the deep abyss I'm in. The demons in my mind have engulfed my daily thoughts. And now,
There's no going back.
Depression stole my education.
It stole all of my friends.
My motivation.
My dreams.
My future.
My life.
Me.
It took my away to the outer shell of society, and my demons are cowardly afraid of going back into it. Dark thoughts cloud my mind.
I feel depressed.
Like a shell of a person, longing to find what isn't lost.
And gain what I already have.
Then I stare into my reflection everyday, only to find myself looking away. Because I die a little more inside, seeing what I have become.
"Carl." Daryl's gruff voice rang out.
"What." my demonic growl threw him off a bit.
"I checked the traps. Get your damn head out of your ass and go get the last one." He snarled. I rolled my eyes in anger at his harsh tone. Daryl got on everyone's nerves at most times. I stormed off towards the trap, only to find me knocking my head harshly into another skull.
"Shit." it murmured as it's figure grabbed its head.
"Watch where your god damn going." I gaped.
I looked over towards the human being. She was extremely beautiful. Her dark black hair perfectly framed her olive toned face. Her flawless pink lips parted slightly in fright and confusion. Her t-shirt and jeans perfectly gripped her body.
Her perfect body. I thought to myself.
"What's your name?" I spat harshly, causing her to flinch. I chuckled darkly at her foolishness. She was not strong, she was weak.
"I-it's um..." she trailed off petrified.
"Anytime now." I rolled my eyes in anger.
"T-Thea." She stammered.
I stood up quickly causing her to flinch a little more.
Why is she already so terrified? I thought to myself.
She's simply weak. The voice in my head reasoned harshly.
I looked back down at the lovely girl before me.
"Daryl!" I called out. She stayed silent.
Almost forgetting she was there, Daryl's figure peered out from the trees.
"Who's this?" He spat.
"Thea." I stated.
He pointed his crossbow at her ready to end the desperate girls life. But something inside of me just couldn't let that happen. Almost like a force was attracting me to this girl. I felt as if it were my duty to keep her alive.
I harshly threw down his crossbow.
"Don't kill her." I growled.
She simply stared at me confused, but her features simply softened a bit. Her beautiful emerald eyes met mine for a moment, causing a pit to form at the bottom of my stomach. I tried to pull from her gaze, but she managed to do it before I even told myself I had the guts to.
"Bring her to Rick-"
"Dad." Daryl corrected me as I rolled my eyes.
"Rick." I spat harshly. "And he can decide what we do." I decided, not really caring what Daryl had to say about it. I figured he didn't want to argue, because he simply shook his head and wandered towards the cabin the group was currently at.
I prepare myself for the ultimate battle with my father, and his pitiful mind.
