Between Coffee And Cigarettes

-32-

It was still noon when Lenny turned her back to the Gryffindor tower and made her way to the kitchen. She needed a cigarette and coffee — and silence. She never felt right between the people of a crowd unless there was alcohol in her veins, flooding so strongly that she sometimes imagine hearing it. So whenever she was alone, she always let herself slump against something and huff out a few breaths of exhaustion. She couldn't help herself, but feel some sort of relief.

And now was no different. Lenny leaned against the sill in the room above the kitchen and heaved herself onto it so that she could press her back against the cold stone of the castle. She lit a cigarette, conjured a coffee, and let the silence indulge her. Her thoughts, though, were the opposite, but right now there was a good balance between the loudness of her thoughts and the quiet of her surroundings.

For half an hour she sat there and felt herself grow disappointed. Lenny hadn't acknowledged that some part of her was hoping that Remus might have followed her, give her the book and tell her everything. And now that she was sure that he would do no such thing, she stomached the ache that rose in her chest and got up. For a few seconds, she just stood there, not knowing where she wanted to go.

She didn't want to go back to the Common room where the people were still celebrating their triumph against Slytherin. Sitting by the Black Lake seemed tempting, but then Lenny remembered the temperature outside. She didn't have something against cold, but the thought of sitting in the wet grass made her grimace. She decided to go to the library, at last, maybe she could even get done some work or just read.

As she walked through the empty corridors of the castle, no one crossed her. Most of the students were probably off to Hogsmeade, drinking Butterbeer in the Three Broomstick or spending all their money at Honeydukes on sweets, so exquisite and creative as it can get. It had almost been impossible for her to ever experience them herself. Lenny remembered the fight Sirius and she had with Walburga and Orion. They didn't want to sign the paper that would've allowed Sirius and Lenny to visit Hogsmeade. It was to be a punishment for their audacity to show loyalty to Gryffindor – their house.

At the thought of what happened that day, Lenny ran a finger right under her left collarbone, the only barrier between her and her skin the rough texture of her robes. She shook her head to press down the memory that had pushed itself up, trying to break through the surface of her consciousness.

The library was, like the rest of the castle, almost empty. Only very few students were scattered at different tables, most of them looking distressed by their work they had to do. A short nod at the stern-looking Ms. Pince, which had more love for the books than any other human being, and Lenny began strolling through the shelves, searching for the quietest corner there was.

It didn't take her long to get to her usual seat, near the window, and almost completely shielded from the goings-on around it, only to see that someone already had claimed it. Quickly, she slipped into a row between the shelves in an attempt to hide, but it seemed unnecessary. The person had not noticed her. In fact, the person seemed hard to notice anything that was happening around him.

With the dark hair, which hung untypical messy in his chalk-white face, Regulus stared upon an open book, his head supported on both his hands. It looked like he was reading the book, but the longer Lenny watched him, the clearer it became that he was not doing so. He never turned the page and his eyes were fixed on one spot on the paper.

Looking even closer, she noticed that his breathing was shallow, his chest went up and down in fast, small movements and she swore that she could see sweat beading on his temple. He was distressed, no – he looked almost frightened. Lenny felt the urge to go to him and comfort him, but she slightly jerked back when she remembered what she had said to him over the Christmas break. What she had done.