Between Coffee And Cigarettes

-9-

The black lake seemed like a hole. If there weren't any reflections, you wouldn't even think that there is any water at all. 

It was freezing. Lenny sat, leaning against a big oak, staring at the lake, scribbling and drawing on parchment from time to time. The air was humid and above the surface of the water laid a thin layer of fog, despite the fact that it was almost midday. The sky was grey and looked depressing, something that didn't really helped with her mood.

After lunch this day, she had a free period so Lenny decided to come down here. On her way, she picked up another coffee from the kitchen. She needed it. The last night was hell for her. At first she couldn't sleep even though she was exhausted and needed rest, which her body just didn't allow her to have. She drifted off to sleep eventually, but kept waking up although it wasn't her dreams that caused it. 

The nightmares she has would once scare her so much that she would wake up, bathed in sweat and crying. She does not anymore. Not because the nightmares stopped, but because she learned to live with them. She was still afraid, but at one point the witch decided that she just has to accept them; so she did. In her dream there was always pain, always different kinds or all mixed together. The physical pain was easier to handle. It was always the same person that inflicted this kind of pain, but it didn't matter how hard she tried, she couldn't recognize them from anywhere. 

Their face was always half in the shadow so that it took her few nights of extreme concentration to make out the general faces of her opponent. It was a man, that she was sure of, who had a striking face. High cheekbones, sharp jawline, a pointed chin, furry eyebrows and his eyes were so deep that it looked as if he had none, only empty eye sockets. 

She called him her own demon of pain.

How he inflicted the physical pain was different every time. The range of weapons included everything from usual knifes and guns to mid evil methods like swords, torture and burning. Sometimes she would survive in her dream, bearing the hurt by concentrating on the pain trying to make it enjoyable. But other times Lenny would just die, but still not wake up. Those were the peaceful ones, the peace of dying. Her death would be the salvation after all the torture.

Lenny sipped on her hot coffee, letting the bitter liquid run down her throat. She didn't really know what kept her up the previous night, she could only remember her heart aching so bad that she thought she might have a heart attack.

"Oi, What are you doing here?", James appeared in her sight. "Hell, Lenny it's freezing". He put his hands in the pockets of his jacket and pulled up his shoulders. "Here", She offered him the warm cup, "coffee, if you want. Still quite hot". He took it gracefully, taking a sip and then frowned in disgust. "I forgot... You take it black", James muttered in disappointment. 

It made Lenny chuckle and the bespectacled boy took a seat beside her. Both saying nothing for a while. "Why are you here?", James asked again. "No reason in particular", Lenny replied, a little too fast, "Just enjoying my free period. What are you doing here? Wait... don't you have classes right now?"

He knew that she wasn't here, because she wanted to enjoy her free period, but he decided to let it go for now, knowing that it would just cause her to be pissed at him if he would ask again. So instead he grinned at her, signaling that he indeed was skipping classes.

"I can't believe it!", she exclaimed, "I mean, I don't care if you skip classes or not, but I am pissed that you are still better than me, better than most in our year, even though you do absolutely nothing!" His smirk grew wider, seeing her jealous and in rage. When Lenny realized that she just gave him what he wanted, she eyed him, impressed by his cleverness. "You are a bitch, Potter. You know that?", she asked sarcastically. 

"Yeah well maybe I do", he replied, batting his lashes and throwing her an air kiss. The both of them laughed at that, reacting his pose several times, which made them laugh even harder. 

After a while, James was serious again, speaking to her: "You know you can talk to me, right?" She nodded, not able to answer, knowing that she could, but simply didn't know how. Thankfully he wasn't finished with his speech yet, so she just kept quiet. "Even though we're not related, I see you as my sister and I will always be there for you and try to help where I can.", he laid an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into an embrace. She snuggled into it, laying her head on his shoulder. The bespectacled boy pressed a loving kiss on her head: "Love you, little Black". "Love you too, Potter", she was thankful for his kind words and she knew that it must have cost him a lot of effort to tell her that. 

"We're getting soft, aren't we?", he asked with a grimace. "Yep", Lenny replied, pulling out of the embrace, both of them suddenly being uncomfortable with the situation. "Like a fucking cliche... I think I'm gonna vomit", she added jokingly, imitating a gag. "I agree."

Both of them made their way to their next classes.

Today they began to learn how to cast the Patronus charm in DADA. The charm was normally used to fight off Dementors and protecting yourself from getting your soul sucked out. It was a complicated spell and very difficult to perform. Their professor told them that they had to think about their most happiest memory and even then, sometimes it just wasn't enough. 

Lenny sat besides Marlene, listening closely. She was worried and excited at the same time. She knew, it was normal not to be able to perform a patronus at first try, but she had doubt in herself and her abilities that she could ever do it. What if she wasn't happy enough? Or what if she didn't have a memory that was good enough? She was honestly scared of the upcoming classes.

After half an hour of theory they began to practice. The blue haired witch remained a bit longer in her seat, trying to decide, which of her memories were the most precious ones. She had a lot of good ones, for example, that one time when she accidentally called Euphemia mum for the first time and the beautiful, elderly woman just took her in her arms and happily called her her daughter. 

Or that moment when Marlene, Lily, Alice and she went to a muggle pub and were flirting shamelessly with older men, who bought them one drink after another. It was one of Lenny's best nights. Dancing, drinking, flirting, Marlene and she even got some action, but at the end of the night, they had to run from the police. She can remember being out of breath and still laughing until she got dizzy.

The moment when she pulled her first prank on Lucius Malfoy, just because she wanted to prove to the Marauders that she was even more mischievous than they are. How proud she felt, when her plan actually worked out and how jealous the boys were, especially James and Sirius. 

There were a lots of moments that meant so much to her; but in which of them was she truly happy. That was the more difficult question.

Lenny eventually pulled out of her chair, going through the room where everyone else was already practicing. When she found enough space between all those students, she raised her wand in the air, closing her eyes. All those memories, all the feelings she felt in exactly those moments resonated in her body. Expecto Patronum. A strong wave of something hit her and she almost fell. Stumbling back, she tried to hold up against the invisible force slowly opening her eyes.

The whole room went quiet, but she didn't notice that until now. As soon as she got back her full eyesight, she couldn't believe what she saw. A silver-blue panther sprang through the air. It was beautiful! She couldn't believe what was happening. Everyone was staring at her and the Professor squeaked in joy: "My dear, at your first try... I can't believe it! 20 points to Gryffindor".

But Lenny didn't even really hear that. The voices around her were now muffled and the last thought of her, before everything got dark, was how easy it is to manipulate yourself and your mind.

Then she blacked out.