Between Coffee And Cigarettes

-7-

She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. She felt the smoke wander into her lungs, before exhaling it again. 

Lenny was, again, sitting on her windowsill in the room above the kitchen, the windows wide open. She was wrapped up in a blanket she brought, still freezing at the fresh air of the late October night. She couldn't sleep, back in her dorm, constantly turning from one side to another until she decided to come here for a smoke and drink a coffee. Some would say it would be stupid to drink coffee when you couldn't sleep, but honestly, for her it could be both, he sleeping potion and an energizer and in all honesty, she couldn't care less. So now she sat there, inhaling the smoke of the cigarette and the nicotine and taking in the aroma and flavor of the coffee. Shiva suddenly jumped on the windowsill, making herself comfortable by curling up into a ball falling back asleep. The silver-blue haired girl smiled at this, appreciating the company even though Lenny knew how tired her cat, obviously, was. The both of them stayed for that for a little while, when Lenny heard the creaking of the stairs. She pulled her head around, terrified that it was a professor, catching her smoking in the kitchen after curfew.

To her surprise, she saw the sand-coloured mop of hair from Remus. The boy didn't notice her at first, but as soon as he looked up, he saw her, slightly shocked. "Couldn't sleep", she shrugged, lighting another one. He didn't say anything, just walked over to the window, leaning against the wall, next to Shiva. Lenny watched him pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. It was a movement that seemed almost sensual. The way he gently pulled it out of the package, bringing the smoke to his mouth, always cautious not to break the fragile thing. He then slowly brought the lighter, the thing she called muggle-toy, to the end of the cigarette, protecting the flame, that came out of that plastic container, with his hand. As soon as the end of the tobacco was burning, he pulled away the lighter, taking a long drag to ensure that the fresh glow on the tip would not die.

She was so hypnotized by his movements that it took her a moment to come back to reality. Remus now stroke Shiva, which surprised Lenny a little bit, because the cat could be really moody sometimes, especially when the pet was sleepy. "Why her?", Remus pulled her out of her thoughts, "Why this... unconventional looking cat?", he asked. She smiled, amused by his word choice, trying to avoid insulting adjectives. "I can't really tell you why.", she began to explain, "I know that most people don't like the look of Sphinx- cats and some might even call them ugly. You see, when I chose to get a cat, back in fourth year, I didn't think I would ever end up with a hairless cat, but as soon as I entered the shop, Shiva bewitched me, you could say", both of them chuckled at this, seeing the irony in it. Lenny continued: "I know that in the first two weeks I would get so many comments about my choice of cat, but really... it is none of anybody's fucking business what I chose to have as a pet. And I am so grateful for her. She already helped me through a lot and is always there when I need her.", she finished, admiring the sleeping beauty.

He just listened at her, nodding. "Do you think she is beautiful?". It was an odd question, but as Lenny looked at Remus, he looked utterly curious. She couldn't give a direct answer, so she thought, looking out of the window, dragging on her cigarette. He waited patiently for her answer and she was grateful for that. She then finally said: "I wouldn't call her pretty. It's a description, too normal for her. I think she is extremely unique that is what makes her in my eyes beautiful. It never bores me to look at her.", she looked him in the eyes as she said that, with a slight laugh she added, "In my opinion, the most beautiful things and people on this planet are not the ones who look perfect, without any flaws, but rather the ones with imperfections and the possession of unconventional beauty."

The scarred boy sipped at his coffee, she didn't know where he had get that from. He came closer, now standing against the windowsill, his back turned towards the forbidden forest. "Poetic", he muttered before taking another sip. "What does that mean?", now it was her turn to ask. He sighed, placing the cup on the table and pulling out another cigarette. "It means that I'm surprised, almost impressed, with the way you see and describe things.", Lenny looked at him in confusion. His hands were placed besides his body supporting him, his gaze focused on the ground. When she didn't respond, Remus looked up, peeking through the messed up hair, which was slightly falling in his face. "It sounds to me like you wouldn't judge anybody by their looks, quite the opposite actually, you are even more fascinated by them, the more they break out of the "standardized" beauty. Am I right?" But he wouldn't even let her answer, he just continued, now coming so close that their faces were only inches apart, "You are attracted to people who are excluded by the majority and therefore have a lower status in society because of their appearance. And let me guess... you find body-modification extremely attractive, although it is only now beginning to be accepted", the last part, he almost whispered, his breath brushing her face.

"So?", Lenny asked with shaking breath. Remus pulled back, standing in his former position again. "So... you, Lenny Black, are constantly searching for the thrill, the pain in order to try to feel alive, because as soon as you go to bed, laying in the darkness, the anxieties and depression are almost drowning you....and that I know for a fact", his look remained on her pierced nipples, which were visible through her thin shirt. It was a statement, a statement at which Lenny's eyes widened in shock, not being able to comprehend that he just found out about her darkest secret. With shaking hands, she lighted a smoke. "How", she stared at him in disbelief, "How did you know? Nobody knows, except for-", "- Sirius, I know", Remus interrupted her. "No, he didn't tell me, he didn't have to. It was kind of obvious",he explained, "The excessive drinking, trying to numb everything, the heavy breathing whenever you get into a situation, which is making you uncomfortable. Not to mention, the sneaking into Sirius's bed, every once in a while, because your thoughts are not stopping, just as little as your crying".

His voice was filled with empathy, but his eyes were cold. Both of them didn't say a word for, what felt like a little eternity. Remus eventually stood up at some point. "I'm heading back, trying to get some rest sleep", a tired smile crawled up his lips. 

"I think I'm coming too", Lenny spoke, packing up her things and carefully picking up Shiva. As the pair made their way through the castle, they didn't exchange a word, trying not to get caught. Back in the common room, Lenny let down her cat, who instantly made her way up do the girls dormitory. "Uhm", Lenny began, unsure of what she wanted to say, "could you please keep it to yourself?" She looked down at the floor, fiddling with her fingers. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at him. Then, the tall boy leaned down to whisper in her ear: "I won't tell anybody if you won't"

"What should I tell anybody about you? I have nothing against you", She was extremely confused. He was still leaning down, his mouth next to her ear. In response he bit her ear. Not extremely hard so that it would be hurting but it remained stingy after he pulled away. With that he made his way up to the boys dormitory. She was still standing in the common room, baffled until she realized what he meant. His 'furry little problem'! But she thought Remus had already figured out that she knew he was a werewolf?

 Lenny got into bed, tired and.... relieved? She felt peace as her eyes slowly shut close.