burning shadows | Azriel (ACOTAR prequel)

NINETEEN: Peace

I sat at the large table made of oak wood, the sweet scent of cinnamon and apples burning my senses, the light autumn wind coming from the large window chilling my pale skin even more. Anxiety grew in my chest as I looked around, meeting the familiar amber eyes that smiled at me, but it was not a warm smile; it felt more like the smile a snake would have before poisoning you and watching you slowly die.

The skin on my neck was sore, painful – it was the collar, the rough material draining me of energy while I had no other choice than to sit here, surrounded by vipers, stuck in their own home.

"Are you not pleased with your food, daughter?" That voice caused such hate in my gut, making me clench my teeth together, especially at the way Beron spat the word daughter. I wished I wasn't that, I wished I was a bastard or a servant or even a low born beggar on the street; I would be happier than I was now.

"Perhaps she misses the food those savage Illyrians fed her," Raphael said loudly, an irritating laugh following. 

Raphael? My brother is dead – I killed him. Didn't I?

"Do you miss it?" Beron asked and suddenly everyone was silent, even the servants and the wind stopped, as if everyone stopped breathing. There was a big pressure on my head, on my neck, but I couldn't do anything, I was stuck; I was the prisoner in my own home. Beron slammed his hand against the table, everything shattered, the world darkened, but there was no escape.

"I'll give you something to remind you of them, then." Beron stood up and I couldn't breathe, the air around me was too warm, too heavy. I tried gripping the collar around my neck, pulling it away, but the harder I pulled, the more energy it seemed to drain, making my head spin even more.

Then new footsteps entered the room and everyone started laughing, my entire family, my entire court was laughing as they beheld what the servants carried. I knew I would hate it, but I forced myself to look, to turn to the doorway and see.

The two males held a pair of wings between them. Black, Illyrian wings. They still carried his scent on them, even with the blood dripping from them, and then I was screaming, though no sound came out, no one seemed to hear me over their wicked laughing, and I was stuck in my seat as silent tears slid down my cheeks, falling onto the collar that was only waiting to kill me and end it all.

~

When I awoke I didn't scream, didn't even jump or cry – nightmares were such a common occasion that even my body got used to them. But that heaviness in my chest remained, though some of it faded as I looked to my right, where the beautiful Illyrian laid, alive and peaceful, his glorious wings safely tucked behind him.

It was just a dream. Just a nightmare. It wasn't real.

I was finally happy and feeling at peace, and nightmares like this were just a reminder of what I feared for so long, a reminder of why I denied our mating bond for so long. Just the thought of Beron's powers and his cruelty, of what he would gladly do to Azriel...it made chills go through my body. But looking at my mate sleeping next to me now, spread out on his stomach, a relaxed look on his face, I decided I would do anything to keep him away from harm – from Beron or anyone else.

I tried to push the nightmare deep inside, tried to forget it as I looked at my mate more, a slight smile finally appearing on my face. It was rare for me to wake up before him, when for the past week he was always up at dawn – unless we didn't sleep at all, which happened more often. But even being awakened at dawn didn't bother me, when it was the most satisfying way of waking up, usually with his skilled fingers or that sinful mouth.

My fingers were still shaking a bit from the nightmare when I reached out to caress his jaw, feeling the slight stubble under my fingers. It's not like he had time to shave for the past week, since we didn't really do anything other than ravishing each other, and it had almost grown into a beard that just made him look more handsome. Another plus side is how it felt when it scraped my thighs or any other body part.