burning shadows | Azriel (ACOTAR prequel)

THIRTEEN: Autumn Flower

For the first time in so long, I felt at peace waking up, feeling the warm presence next to me, rough fingers caressing over my face and hair. I didn't want to open my eyes, just so I could act like this was another dream because opening my eyes meant facing reality. I just wanted to pretend I could go on being alone with Azriel like this, without any consequences or worries.

But the second I opened my eyes I had to deal with the fact that it was already late into the morning, that Azriel was already dressed in his leathers and obviously ready for a mission. He didn't seem to be in a rush, though, as he first made sure I was completely fine before flying me over to the apartment.

Azriel could have winnowed us, I knew that, but I didn't question why he decided to fly us to my apartment instead, enjoying flying in his arms as if we both couldn't get enough of each other's touch, even as little as this. Despite not talking about anything that happened last night, something felt different, like the air between us was less heavy, and I felt more connected to him than ever before.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay? If you need something or –"

I already felt bad for probably making him late, suddenly very aware that he was the Spymaster who had actual work to do. "I'm fine, Azriel."

"I'll be back from the Night Court border tomorrow night. Call Cass or Mor if you need something, alright?"

"Fine, see you tomorrow," I said quickly, and I didn't fail to notice how a little smile appeared on his face before he disappeared into the shadows, because I initiated that I would be seeing him as soon as he returns.

I didn't feel any regrets, though, since I couldn't shake this insatiable need to be close to him, always.

~

I sat on the chair in my room, leaned forward across the mirror, staring at myself as if it was some stranger in front of me, and not someone I've been dealing with for almost five centuries. I spent most of yesterday sleeping so I finally had my strength and energy back, my amber eyes looking more alive.

So many things have happened in the last two days, from Lucien losing his eye to me seeing Beron again and attacking him, yet the only thing I could think about was Azriel. Still looking in the mirror, I traced the lines of my face where my hair fell with my fingers, just like he did, except my fingers didn't feel the way his scarred ones did. Just the memory of his touch on me, his rough skin contrasting the gentleness with which he was caressing my face; it was enough to make me heat up and wish other things had happened in that bed.

Whether it was because of what happened at the Spring Court, or the conversations I had with Azriel, but I felt braver than I did in centuries. There hasn't been a day where I wasn't afraid of Beron and his cruelty, and it wasn't that I didn't fear him now – it's that I finally felt like I wasn't alone, and that there could be a chance for me. A chance for me to love without Beron destroying it.

For centuries I had allowed him to make me his victim, just like he did with the rest of our family. I let myself believe his words that I could never be loved and I took the physical pain from him as something I deserved.

Was he now aware of the mating bond between Azriel and I? Was he making a plan against us right now, or was he still busy punishing Eris in one of his more creative ways? Eris – I still wasn't sure if what he did was brave or foolishly insane. Either way, he probably regretted it by now.

I sighed, finally looking away from my own reflection and running my fingers through my still drying hair, focusing my mind on the plans I was trying to make. I needed to face Rhys again first, and I was sure he had a lot of questions; it actually surprised me he didn't come demanding answers already. Then I would need to figure out what to do now that Beron knows about me, and then – Amarantha.