embrace | kanej

embrace

A/N
This is my first ever published Kanej story, so please be patient with me :). I'm still learning how to express the feelings of characters as complex as these two. Of course, my writing style is not quite as amazing as Leigh's. I still hope that I was able to convey how I imagine they would feel in such a situation.
The pov's alternate between Kaz and Inej and sometimes you might come across some part overlapping the other. I would love to hear about your thoughts concerning my writing!

Songs that inspired me while writing were:
- Light, Touch and Turning Page by Sleeping At Last
- Heal by Tom Odell
- To Build A Home by Patrick Watson
- Nothing Really Matters by Mr Probz
- Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls
....and of course Walk by Ludovico Einaudi.
If you would like to listen to my entire Kanej playlist on Spotify, here's the link:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0fJFO0zauNf5loEjW3cgje?si=xCmBwaeCS3uXf6EjKEhrtQ&utm_source=copy-link

Enjoy :))
//

Inej
It was dark outside-already. Lately, Inej tended to loose track of time. In fact, Inej had lost track of a lot of things. It had been weeks since she had seen Wylan, Jesper or even Kaz. They weren't far away, she wasn't even outside of Ketterdam. In all truth, she had never left. They probably thought she had. Why else wouldn't she visit? Inej let out a sigh. Tonight, her feet had carried her to the harbour. More precisely, to The Wraith - her ship and Kaz' gift to her. She came here when things got bad again. When she couldn't endure the sceptical looks anymore that her father threw at her when he thought she wasn't looking. When she could no longer pretend that she was still their little girl, unchanged, unscathed. When her mother's faint sighs simply became too much to bear- and when she realised that, above all, she missed the people who had somehow become some kind of (slightly dysfunctional) family to her, too. Jesper. Wylan. Nina. Kaz. Everything here reminded her of him. The dark alleys and canals that they had once strolled together; the abandoned warehouses where most of their impossible plans had come to life. This ship. Her ship. Gracefully, Inej leapt on deck, taking a deep breath. As strange as it was, the salty air always had a calming, reassuring effect on her. In some twisted way, Ketterdam had found a way into her heart. It had become her home. Because of them.

Sitting down on the wooden staircase leading up to the deck of The Wraith, she watched the grey sky, glimpsing a patch of stars between the mountains of clouds. Sometimes the clouds would reveal the moon and her ship and the dark sea were bathed in a silverish shimmer.

Inej sat there, feeling the tears prick her eyes. She was supposed to be happy. She had found her parents, after all. They had welcomed her back as if she had never once set foot in the menagerie, as if she had never lost them. As if she hadn't spent years suffering, surviving, growing up in the worst part of the Barrel.
Perhaps that was the problem. Inej had changed, hardened. She wasn't just a girl anymore. She was a spy, a fighter, a killer - the wraith. Maybe, after all these years wanting to be nothing more than a daughter reunited with her parents, she had forgotten how to be one. All the things she'd seen and endured simply didn't allow her to go back to who she had been, to let people care for her.
Inej could feel the tears stream down her face now. She didn't bother to wipe them away. No one was here to witness her unravel, to grieve the loss of the girl she had once been, the girl she desperately wanted to be.

Kaz
Kaz found himself wandering around the Barrel again. It had become a habit he had picked up in the last few weeks, when his never resting mind kept him awake.

His leg was bad again, perhaps because of the warm humidity that came with the beginning of summer in Ketterdam. He chose to ignore it. Leaning heavily on his cane, he tried to shut out the swarm of thoughts fluttering around in his head like moths around a lantern as well- which turned out to be a lot harder than drowning out the ache in his leg. He didn't really know where he was going, but found himself facing the harbour again. He would be lying to himself if he pretended to visit the harbour for any reason other than to check if The Wraith was still there. It was. Of course.
Then why hasn't she visited?, he wondered miserably, only to chastise himself. Inej was perfectly capable of making her own decisions. She was allowed to distance herself from him. In fact, it would probably be better for her. It still hurt, even if Kaz hated to admit it.
Slowly, he limped down to the ship. She was probably busy reuniting with her family. Who was he, Kaz Dirtyhands Brekker, being bitter about the lack of attention towards him? She deserved happiness, nothing else. She deserved someone who could show her how much she was loved. I could never provide her with that.
Hopping on the ship's deck as gracefully as he possibly could with his injured leg, he suddenly heard a noise. Kaz readied his cane, moving forward. No one was allowed to be on deck of The Wraith, except for maybe-
Inej.