Frostbitten

Monday

"When have you ever shot people with permanant silver arrows?"

"Well, sometimes there are people who sacrifice their love. There was this one time when these two people were madly in love, but they were on two different sides of the war and if their parents found out, they would literally die. They lived in extreme socities, and I hated seeing them so torn that they had be apart. They were each thinking of suicide. So I shot them with the arrows, and they hated each other. It made their lives better, even though I hate to admit it."

"I would hate to have to sacrifice you to live. I don't know if I could do it. I mean, if it were for the greater good of the world...then maybe, but I'm not sure."

"Me either. I always want to help people, but I just love you so much. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"If it were beneficial to a lot of people, then you can hurt me."

He looked over at me. "You'd be willing to lose me if it meant that others could be happy?" he asked.

"Well, only if they deserve to be happy, you know. Or, if these people will be fine then why bother? If they're going to die or if they're going to be miserable, then I'd rather have one person be miserable than have thousands."

"It'd be two people who were miserable, because I would be lost without you, too."

"I've always read about people who were like that. They'd sacrifice their own joy or their own lives just to let others live or be happy. I've always admired them, and I've always wondered if I could do that. I feel like, if I were going to give up my happiness, I wouldn't want to know that I helped a lot of people."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because then I'd be saying 'what if' all the time. I'd think of countless other possibilites and solutions to it all, things that could have made me happy. I'd rather be content with being miserable then being torn up with being miserable."

He rolled over onto his stomach, propping himself up onto his elbows. He looked down at me into my eyes. "I love you so much Jack. I wish there were a way to explain how much I truly loved you."

I smiled faintly. "Maybe a thousand kisses and fifty years will let me know how much you love me."

He smiled and kissed me. "I think ten thousand and eighty years will be better."

"Be quiet and keep kissing me."

He kissed me deeply, and the next couple of weeks were just us in bed on the hot summer days, eating ice cream, kissing, cuddling, making love, laughing and creating memories. Though our summer break ended soon, and the first day of school came along. Though the day before, Cupid said he had some serious business to do with the humans. Lots of stuff was going on in some places. War and passion was all through out the two countries.

"There's a war going on, and people are dying a lot," he told me. "It's a common time for people to confess their true feelings before they have to die."

"Okay, well good luck," I told him. "Be careful."

"I will." He kissed me and then went out the door.

I waited for him all night to show up, but he didn't. I figured I'd see him at school, but he wasn't there. Once I found out he was absent, I grew nervous. Could a human kill him? Would he die, or is he immune to that? I was fidgety all day and couldn't stop myself from looking at the clock. I just wanted to get home. I was terrified that he could be dead. Mo would know if he could die by a human's hands or not, and since Mo got Mom pregnant and they officially became husband and wife two days ago, he had moved in.

I couldn't stop thinking about Cupid. Him being shot. Him being stabbed. Looking into the sky, wondering why this was happening. Would his last thoughts be of me? What would he be thinking? Would he regret things? I closed my eyes, the thoughts of his mangled body lying on the ground unable to leave my mind. I don't know what I'd do without him. Please Cupid...

Once the bell rang, I bolted out of school and ran home.

"Hey Jack," Mo greeted, sitting at the table and reading the paper. Mom was in her room sleeping.

"Can a human kill one of us?" I asked.

He looked up at me, bewildered. "I - believe they can. I mean, if a human says they don't believe in fairies, a fairy dies. They've stepped on elves before. Santa's father was murdered. I'm pretty certain they can kill us Jack. We're not immortal afterall."

"But..." I started to breath quickly. He was dead. I just knew he was. Someone killed him during the war. He's dead.

"Jack? What is it?" Mo asked, alarmed.

"He's dead," I breathed, hyperventilating. "Oh god he's dead." I started to sob uncontrollably.

He wrapped his arms around me and I cried into his shoulder. "Who's dead, Jack?"

"Cupid! H-He went to the humans during a war and they probably killed him! He's gone! He's gone..." I just couldn't stop. He was dead.

"What's going on? Jack, what is it?" Mom asked, entering.

Mo picked me up and sat me down on the couch with Mom. "I'll be back Jack," he told me. "I'm going to go find him. You don't know if he's dead or not." He left urgently, leaving Mom and I on the couch.

"Jack, what is it?"

I calmed down enough to let her know. "Cupid had to go to the humans because there was a war going on. He left yesterday and is usually back at night, but he hasn't returned at all. He's dead Mom. I just know he is. I can feel it." I started to cry visciously again. She held me in her arms, trying to calm me down, singing quietly. Eventually, I fell asleep.

I had a nightmare, though. I was in the tree house, looking out the window. There was some type of a war going on outside. The horizon was lit with fires, and I could hear screaming all around. I was looking around, out all the windows. I looked out to the bottom of the tree house, to see a pile of dead bodies. Mom, Mo, Lady, Boogey, Mary, Drake, and a small baby girl. I called out Cupid's name, waiting for him. He had to be alive. He was invincible. I kept calling his name, over and over again. He was alive. I knew he was. I could feel it.

"Jack."

I turned around. Cupid was standing there, his wings spread out gloriously. I smiled, relieved. I hugged him and kissed him. I asked him something, but I didn't remember what it was. He looked at me, and the suddenly - a silver arrow penetrated his abdomen from behind. I saw a dark figure behind him, but I didn't know who it was. Blood spilled out from him, and he clutched himself, the arrow between his fingers. He looked at me, and since it was silver, he said, "I hate you." I started to scream as he fell to the floor, dead. The dark person approached me, a silver arrow glistening. I cried for Cupid again, screaming his name. The figure lifted the arrow, and before he stabbed me - I awoke.

I sat upright in bed. I looked around frantically, realizing I wasn't in a treehouse. I ran down the hall and found Mom and Mo sitting at the table. It was just a dream, I kept telling myself. I froze once I saw their experssions. "What is it? Did you find him?" I asked.

They both looked up at me and then each other. "No. We don't know where he is," Mo told me.

"We went to the countries he said he was going to. We looked for a long time, Jack, but we couldn't find him," Mom said.

I felt like throwing up, screaming, and crying. He was dead. I somehow knew he was dead. I ran from the house and through the park, through the woods, remembering the times we ran through the rain and the woods to the tree house. I climbed the ladder and stopped once I saw the tree house was empty. I collapsed onto the mattress and cried.

What if he truly was dead? What would I do? He was the love of my life, my soulmate, the person who completed me. I wouldn't be me if he weren't alive. To have a taste of a life together forever, and suddenly have it ripped away from you - how was I suppose to live after that? Was this meant to happen to us? Was this our defect? To have such a true romance, and then have it shred us to pieces? I loved him so much, and...

I sat up suddenly. He couldn't be dead. He doesn't have a son, someone to take over his job. They can't die if they don't have someone to take over. He can't be dead. He can't be! But...what if this is meant to happen? What if it's his defect or if it's time for people to learn love and hate by themselves? I sank back down. Would humanity be able to live without knowing true love and true hate? Would they learn? Could they learn? Was it meant to be this way?

"I knew you'd be here."

I sat up, eyes wide. "Oh thank God," I cried, and ran into Cupid's arms. I sobbed ferociously again. "I thought you were dead Cupid. I truly, truly thought you were dead. I had this horrible feeling go through me and I just thought it was that you were dead."

"No. I'm here."

I looked up at. "Are you okay?"

He sighed. He sat down and pulled me next to him. "Jack, I returned a few hours ago. I had a talk with my father and grandfather."

"About what?"

"Well, I know why my dad has it in his head he's suppose to be with your mom when I know he's not."

"Why?"

"He's defected."

"You mean...?"

"My grandfather married a woman he didn't love. He had my dad, and my dad had a lot of things wrong. There were people that he couldn't know how they felt, like your mom. He didn't know how she felt, and he didn't think he was suppose to be with anyone else, so that's why he thought they were suppose to be together. Though in reality, none of them were right for him. Every single person that he couldn't feel how they felt, none of them were right for him. So, he got with my mom, and they had me. They asked me a lot of stuff and...I came out to them."

"What did they say?"

"They didn't say anything. Though...once I told them I was gay...something changed."

"What?"

He looked at me guiltfully. He stood up and paced around.

"Tell me Cupid," I said, standing, too. "Please."

"I knew," he told me, tears brimming his eyes.

"What did you know?"

"I knew how you felt."

"W-What?"

"I know exactly how you feel, Jack. I know all your emotions."

"But, you can't...we..."

"I know. I'm not suppose to know, Jack, but I do. I know it all. I know everything. I don't know why it happened then. Once I said it, I instantly knew how you felt about me. I don't know why. I don't know. Why did it happen now? After having so many great memories with you, it has to happen now. Why couldn't it have happened so long ago?"

A few tears ran down his cheeks. I walked over to him and wiped them away. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"You...you shouldn't be sorry. I..." I cried, too, trying to fight the tears back.

We're not meant to be. He knew my emotions, meaning he knew we're not meant to be together. He knows, and I'm just another person. I'm not his true love or soulmate. I'm just a mistake.

"It can't be right!" I yelled. "I love you! I know I love you! I can't ever feel this way about anyone ever again, Cupid! It's a mistake! We're meant to be together! We have to be!"

"But we're not Jack! I know! God, why do I know? Why do I have to know?"

"But I'm happy with you! You're never going to find the person you're meant to be with. This is our defect. We love someone so whole-heartedly, and then it's not right. It's going to happen again to you and then to me. You're going to marry some woman, have a son, and he's going to have some birth defect. It's just going to be a cycle!"

"No, it's not Jack. I refuse to let it be that way. I refuse!"

"But..." I sobbed quietly. "I love you so much."

"I know, and don't you ever doubt for a second I don't love you. It's just not...the right love."

"Will there ever be a right one?"

"Yes, Jack. I promise you there will be. I'm suppose to know who falls in love or not, remember?"

"I remember. I just...I just wish it were you. I mean, why did this have to happen?"

"It's our birth defects...or maybe this is just a chapter in our lives, Jack. Maybe we're suppose to learn from this, grow from this. Maybe we're suppose to be ripped so hard apart, that we're meant to build ourselves back together." He looked at me deeply, his eyes glistening with his tears. "I hate that I can't stop hurting you. For so long the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, but it keeps happening. I can't stop! It's like I'm meant to hurt you! I don't want to Jack. I truly don't want to hurt you. I love you so much Jack. I do."

"I just don't want to give you up."

"I know, Jack," he whispered, taking my hands. "I promise you that you will fall in love, Jack. Have hope for that."

"I love you," I whispered.

"I know." He kissed me once. "I should leave, Jack. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Cupid. If it's not meant to be, then it's meant to be with someone else."

He kissed me again, forcefully. "Don't ever forget this, Jack."

"I won't. I can't."

He gave me one last sorry look, and then he walked out, flying away, soaring to some place new. Some place that I wasn't meant to be a part of.