Cruel - Criminal minds enemies to lovers

Three small squeezes

//TW for mentions of cutting and eludes to depression and assault//

"That was... wow" Rossi shook his head in shock standing next to Morgan.

"That was ruthless" Reid said as the team gathered in the basement of the FBI office building watching Athena go through a physical fight evaluation in the boxing ring.

"You're holding back" Hotch wiped the blood from his nose opposite her.

"You think that that was holding back? Hotch, she almost knocked you clean off your feet" Emily shook her head.

"He's right" Athena said from the opposite corner of the ring, she hadn't a scratch on her from the fight. She had just dodged, dodged enough to tire him out. Giving soft blows to make it look like she was hitting him but she wasn't, it was the illusion of a ruthless attack. She had learnt that her attacks could be much more ruthless over those 3 weeks. She had vowed once she was back she didn't want to hurt someone again, not after all the hurt she had done during those weeks away, not after all the violence she had resorted to without questioning if there was another option.

"I'm holding back- but so are you" she looked at Hotch who was panting. She was right. He was trying to hold back and let her just hit him but hadn't expected her to hold back.

Athena was someone who enjoyed to fight, she enjoyed the challenge of fighting someone bigger and stronger than her but today she seemed scared to hit, scared of what she would become if she let herself hit again. Those 3 weeks she had learnt to fight to kill, not just to fight- she was a warrior then. The bodies she left behind, their eyes wide open, weren't people in her mind when she ruthlessly ripped out their throats- they were just obstacles to walk through by any means necessary. She didn't want to fight at her full force in case she resorted back to that, she could feel the urge, the natural urge she had held so close to her chest trying to break free- the urge to survive, the urge to kill,

"You're pregnant, I have to hold back- what's your excuse? Why are you holding back? This is your evaluation Athena, I can't pass you if you hold back" he asked. He saw a flash of pain eyes before it went back to nothing as she spoke.

"If I don't hold back then I'll kill you."

Her words shook the group despite their laughter.

"Athena no offence, you're scrappy and all but you're hardly a match for Hotch- it's just a fact, he's a lot bigger and stronger than you" Reid tried to say as un-mockingly as possible.

Morgan half expected Athena to punch Reid right there and then, that's what she would have done before, that's what he could see her doing in her mind but she seemed to not care. That seemed to be her with everything since coming back, even the things that would have angered and fired her up seemed to just brush off her back. She didn't care about anything, she was numb. But she was trying, he knew this. He knew she was trying so hard, trying to even just look like she cared, trying to act angry when she would have been naturally before, trying to be herself in the empty shell that was there now.

He felt this in all aspects of her life now, especially at home. It felt like someone learning how to be Athena, like she was trying desperately to act like herself. It wasn't like she felt like someone else, she just felt like no one. Lost and empty, void of any natural feelings or emotions. Athena was someone who was fuelled by emotions naturally. It was what made her angry reactions so impulsive and intense, it was what made her love so passionate and heart-warming, it was what made her her.

Morgan knew this for certain one night when she sat opposite him in silence at their dining room table. A place that was once full of pointless conversations and laughter as they ate but was now filled by an emptiness. Speaking was too much for her now- or she just didn't care enough to speak, he wasn't sure anymore if she cared about anything at all.