Once In A Blue Moon

25 Escalation

May the flowers remind us why the rain was so necessary.

— Xan Oku

☾

"If I die now, Afsha, at least I can die a happy man to have found and fulfilled my purpose in life-- to have found God and His guidance."

Banafsha watches her brother as he takes out a cigarette from the pack in his jacket's pocket and lit it, smoking whilst sitting on a bench by the lake beside her. The sunrays filtering through the trees in the park float in eyes, highlighting the brown of them.

The morning is early and they've decided to come out for a walk together. She was too tired of her flight last night and just filled him in about the events of the past few days over the breakfast.

"Shush now, who's dying?" she scolds him lightly. "Your reports will be clear and you'll be all healthy in no time," she assures him, trying to lull her own heart too, but her gut feeling warns her of a looming terror-- she cannot overlook the signs of being wasted away in Zoraiz.

"If God wills," he adds and throws bread he has brought with himself to the ducks in the lake, breaking it into small pieces first. "But we never know when death might take us. If for me it's coming with a notice that gives me time to prepare, what choice do I have but to take it? I'll benefit from it however I can."

"Benefit from it?" she repeats, puzzled and distressed.

"Uh huh. I've some savings that I'd like to give into charity. I've fed on black money for a bigger period of my life. If I can spend the money I earn now into a good cause, maybe it'll mitigate the severity of punishment for my sins if they're too many or too major to be forgiven. Although I'm not hopeless in God's mercy."

"Is this where your money has been going?" she asks him, recalling him mentioning how his money was much needed elsewhere than hiring a maid. He compromised his way of life to pay the public debt he felt he was under.

Zoraiz doesn't reply, and she takes it for affirmation.

"What didn't you tell me, brother?"

"What good is a good deed if you brag about it?" He turns towards her. "Besides, you never approved of what I did."

"And I'm really sorry about it," she apologizes and he waves it off.

"I took none to the heart, don't worry." He kicks at a pebble on the ground. "If I'm really to die, Afsha, then sell my apartment and spend the amount on my last days. I'm afraid if I grow weaker, I won't be able to earn for myself, and I don't want you spending our family's cash on me." He smokes, then puffs it out. "Whatever money is left, take an amount you want for yourself and spend it on your wedding to Mikael, in case you're unable to save enough for yourself and baba doesn't agree to the wedding. If there's still some left, give it into charity too."

"Zoraiz, enough now." She hits him on his arm playfully. "You're speaking to me as if you're on your death bed. Even if your reports turn out to be positive, God forbid, you'll get treatment and you'll be healthy in no time. Medicine has advanced so much now."

"But it still cannot cure a dying person," he continues and tosses more bread to the ducks. "I haven't been home in so long, I'm afraid Abeer and Wali won't even recognize me as their uncle." He chuckles at the thought. "Have they grown so much, Afsha?"

She nods and smiles. "You won't recognize them either."

"Ah, I'm homesick now." A puff of his cigarette once more before he adds, "I think I'll spend my last days at home. Despite everything, I actually do miss everyone. And I cannot leave the world leaving my mother upset-- how do I gain paradise if I upset her? I know she longs for me. I long for her too, so much."