Once In A Blue Moon

28 Happiness

And that her laughter is irresistible,
And that she in my arms is as much of glory and ecstasy that a man may hold.

— James Oppenheim

☾

"Are you scared?"

"A little."

"Don't be. You're my brave girl."

Banafsha smiles at Zimal as she helps her with the hospital gown, consoling her and encouraging her even though her own eyes reflect the same little fear. Mikael watches her trying to distract Zimal to help with her anxiety. The operation starts in a while and his own worry cannot be helped.

"Will it hurt?" Zimal asks, and Banafsha shakes her head.

"Nope. It's like you fall asleep and wake up and everything is good."

"And then we go home?"

Gently, her lips pull back and she kisses her forehead. "Yes, then we go home."

Home. The word sounds soft to him-- it sounds welcoming. He likes the taste of it, but he know the reality of this said home is still not in his reach. Banafsha will not go home with him. And just like that, reality upsets him, like it always does with its stark contrast from everyone's imaginations. And for the nth time, his feelings fracture.

Banafsha stands up and directs to the nurse, "Prepare for the surgery. We start on time. I'm coming to the OT in fifteen minutes."

The nurse obliges and guides Zimal outside while Banafsha excuses herself. Mikael follows after them to the OT doors, after which he's not allowed inside.

"I'll be waiting here for you, jaan." He smiles at his daughter. "It's going to be good."

"Afsha will be with me," Zimal replies hopefully and he nods.

"Yes, fear not." He kneels in front of her and takes her hands, placing a kiss on her small knuckles. "God will take care of you."

Her blue eyes blink back at him-- eyes that are like his own, but on a face that is her mother's.

The sirens still ring in his ears from Shirin's death. The ambulance lights. The OT noise. And her trauma.

He doesn't know know how he has brought himself to agree to Zimal's surgery. But then again, it's not like he has a choice.

"We must go now, sir." The nurse taps her wristwatch. "The surgery will start soon."

Reluctantly, he lets go of Zimal and gets to his feet again. He gives her one more smile as the nurse leads her inside. Mikael stands there staring at the closed door, heart berserk in his chest, fainting, barely beating. Then, a voice gets his attention.

"Mikael?"

He turns to look in the direction. Banafsha is in her scrubs, seemingly all prepared for the surgery. Her gaze fixates on him.

"Are you okay?" she asks him.

He hums, words too heavy to speak, and she reaches forward to brushes below his eye, a tear that must have escaped without him realizing. He coughs sheepishly and scrubs his eyes, wiping away any remaining moisture.

"God will not disgrace me, I know," Banafsha says to him, chin up. "I've prayed to Him sincerely. He's the Listener of all prayers."

He breathes deeply and tips his head in acknowledgement. "Indeed."

"I've performed many surgeries in my life, Mikael. Stitched many hearts." She purses lips and pauses. "Every life had been precious to me to save, but this is suddenly so different."