M'lady..

am i crazy?

i left class, it's break. i went another wonder down a hall to see the bench marinette sat at with a photo of her and flowers. i walked over to it to see they had engraved stuff into it.

"in memory of marinette dupain-cheng, an amazing student and a friend to everyone"

i smiled at it and walked on, i felt a couple tears rolling down my cheek but i just continued to walk on until the bell went then head back to miss bustier.. she clearly seen my tears as i sat down. i started to do my work as miss bustier sat beside me.

"are you feeling alright? would you like to head home?"

"please"

she nodded and took my work and i packed my stuff and left. i walked back home.. i just call the bakery home now, it's just where i am.. i headed home realising this is how it's going to be for now on, me taken by marinette and other girls laughing cause i'm still saying i'm going out with someone dead.. i walked into the house and tom and sabine welcomed me with some soup.. i took the bowl, said my thankyous and sat down.

"can i ask you something?" i asked breaking the silence

"of course son what is it?"

"is it bad to say i'm still dating marinette even if she's gone? people are acting like i'm a weirdo cause i say i am.."

'no honey of course not, i'd still say i was dating tom if he died"

i felt a slight relief as sabine said it was okay, i'm not a total idiot. i finished my soup and put the bowl into the sink and walked up stairs.. i burst into tears looking at the photos she had on her wall.. a whole two weeks of crying, i'd get a trophy i've cried that much.. i could hear tom and sabine arranging her funeral.. i just cried harder, i'm not okay.. i genuinely wish i could be with her. i walked over to the bed and grabbed the teddy, it no longer smelt of her.. it smelt of me.. i walked to the sink and made a cup of water, sink water from the sink in marinettes room.. the water didn't taste the best but i drank it anyway.. another night in marinettes room.. SHOOT I FORGOT PLAGG. i looked in my pocket, looks like he bet me to it.. but when did he fly there. i keep thinking about the fight and how she died.. i just have the urge to combine the miraculous.. i cant be selfish.. she was taken away for the best reasons.. i started to eye my miraculous then eye the earrings.

"adrien don't!"

"kid don't, your being selfish if you do"

i sighed and just squeezed the toy. 'i love you adrien'. i'm glad alya bought me it.. but it makes me miss her more.. the more i think of her the more i notice my future. i'm not going to have children, i'm not going to marry anyone, i can't continue the agreste name.. its all mayuras fault.. it's my fault.. i couldn't protect her, i didn't help her quick enough.. i can't deal anymore, i either want to die.. or i want her to come alive.

"kid your deep in thought what you thinking about?"

"i want to die or i want her alive.. i can't cope anymore"

"BOTH NO! your not dying and your not bringing her alive" tikki said

"accept it adrien.. it happens to the best of people.. even though we hate it a lot.. we just need to face it" plagg said

"i can't.. my fathers going to be disappointed when he realises i'm not carrying the agreste name.."

"who cares about you not being able to carry on the name? who cares what your father thinks? he left you didn't he?"

i sighed.. knowing plagg was right for once was really a shocker.. giving out good advice.. i think i'm slowly turning depressed.. non stop crying, unhappyness, hopeless, anxious and just losing interest.. i can tell tom and sabine are noticing.. they keep trying to make me happy.. and i feel terrible.