I think my life is beginning. I thought up a name that suits me. First it was Elliot, then Alastor, then Castor, then back to Alastor, then Bee, then Clay. Clay is the new one. I like it. It reminds me of earth. It reminds me of the moment. Besides, its short and sweet and easy to say. Every time someone texts me using Clay, or calls me Clay, it just makes me so happy. I hope I can go from here.
I finally was able to purchase Minecraft java edition. I play in a world with my friends. I was thinking about doing something....maybe its a bad idea. I wont tell it here just in case I decide to do it. My birthday is June 11th so thats creeping up on me.
My friend asked me why I couldn't be myself. I told him my family would kick me out. Thats honesty. Honesty means a lot to me. He asked me who I really was, not pretending to be. Who my true self was. I answered as honestly as I could. "Myself is a 20 year old man with a good jawline and a very cocky personality who often ends up embarrassing himself because he takes on things he cant overcome. He has dyslexia, social anxiety and spends all his time making art. He has real friends and is not afraid to be himself because thats who he always was." I am not 20, but sometimes I feel like it mentally.
Who I am forced to be is so much worse. "I have to be a 12 year old "girl" who's parents wont let "her" cut "her" hair. I wear hoodies even when its above 80 degrees because I have no choice. I get yelled at for getting a A- and I don't have any irl friends. I am forced to do singing competitions and i hate it. I often relapse with self harm and have a very hard time socializing. I often fail math because I do things backwards, literally. I cant be myself because if i was- I would be crushed by everyone around me. until I cant straighten my life out."
Sorry this was so short. I wont be using a fake last name now. Just good and honest Clay. Oh I forgot. If something is really important, refer to me as Clayton. Its like a signal for business.
-Clay
Thursday, May 6, 2021
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12 years
RandomThe story of 12 years. This story follows me in my discovery of myself and how I handled it. From friendships and first crushes, to getting my first binder. Follow me in my journey of being the person I always was meant to be. Saturday, February 20...
