Lost Within Myself

6

One thing Jj had made very clear in the beginning was to never look at hate comments. He had started Youtube earlier than Harry, so that had led to him sharing helpful advice- the 'Do's and Don't's' if you will.

The comments. They were always going to be there and they always came from jealous and insecure people. They were simply put out there to hurt people and affect their self-esteem and mental health.

So why did Harry find himself actively looking for them, late at night when he was once again unable to fall asleep?

He honestly had no idea.

Perhaps he had some underlying hope that he wouldn't find any. That people were finally satisfied enough with his looks and hard work to leave him alone.

He should've known better.

He is so weird.

Such an attention seeker, always saying something to put him in the spotlight.

Is it really necessary to put in Harry all the thumbnails of videos? He's not that great, give the glory to someone else for a change.

Why does Harry literally ruin every video he's in? At this point it's making me hate all the people he's friends with too.

Is he gaining weight?

Harry is the only ugly one in sdmn.

Okay but why do you all think Harry is underrated? He's literally below average. Stop giving him more credit than he deserves.

Why does Harry always make things so awkward? There's no need.

Every time Harry opens his mouth during a video I have to mute, he gives me major second hand embarrassment.

Don't cry don't cry don't cry.

He cursed at himself in his head.

Why was he crying? He did this to himself. He was the one that wanted to read these stupid fucking comments.

He knew he was weird. He knew he said things that didn't make sense and that he had the tendency to run his mouth without thinking, and yes, he did make things awkward sometimes. But the boys always said it was one of his charms. Simon had even said he found it endearing.

Were the boys all lying to him? Did they just say that to make him feel better?

Would they really do that?

And did he really get more attention than he deserves? He never asked for it. Should Harry have declined the credit sent his way? Should he have pushed the others to be better, only so he would shine less?

Has he gained weight? Really?

He'd started going to the gym more with his friends, so he gained weight in the form of muscles, he supposed. Did it not look good? Did he look too heavy?

Harry refrained from lifting the covers of his quilt and checking.

Another sleepless night. This time filled with tears and quiet sobs that he muffled in his pillow.

Fuck, he was so tired.

***

A day off. Just what Harry needed.

Lifting himself from his bed took way more time than necessary, none of his limbs interested in cooperating. His head was pounding. His muscles ached.