Lost Within Myself

10

The first thing Harry heard when he woke up was a constant beeping coming from his left. The second thing was crying. Harsh, loud crying. And the third thing he heard were multiple mumbling voices.

The first thing he felt was the burn in his throat. The second thing was the stinging in his arms and stomach. And the third thing was the hand clutching his own, gentle fingers stroking his palm.

The first thing he saw when he slowly opened his eyes was a blindingly white ceiling. The second thing was the annoying beeping machine on his left, with multiple see through bags hanging next to it. They were filled with fluids. Harry had a faint idea where those fluids were currently being transferred to. And the third thing he saw was a person siting next to his bed. That person was cradling his hand while gently tracing the marks on his palm with the tips of his fingers.

His Simon.

When he let his eyes drift along the rest of the room, he could see everyone else scattered around. Jj was sitting quietly, staring at the floor absently, as if he were lost too deep in thought. Josh was pacing back and forth, arms crossed and cheeks wet with tears. Ethan was sitting on another chair, knees pulled to his chest and silent sobs leaving his mouth. Tobi was standing behind him, arms wrapped around Ethan's neck and lips pressed to the back of his head. Tobi was crying as well. Vikk was sitting on the floor in a corner of the room in a similar position as Ethan. His body looked stiff and unmoving.

Harry turned his attention back to Simon. He was sobbing like Ethan, only he could actually hear it. Harry hated it. Simon shouldn't be sad. None of his best friends should be sad.

But they were, and it was his fault.

Harry had made them this sad.

Bad friend.

Bad son.

Bad person.

It took Harry a few seconds to remember how to use his body, but once he figured it out he slowly curled his fingers around Simon's hand. Simon let out a gasp and turned his head to look at Harry, eyes wide and mouth open.

Simon was so beautiful.

Harry didn't deserve him.

"Harry," Simon whispered with a trembling voice. And then he started crying even harder.

"Harry."

The increased crying caught the attention of the others in the room, and when they realised that Harry was awake they all simultaneously burst into tears. It would've been funny, if only the situation was a bit different.

Everyone jumped up and came to stand around the hospital bed. Jj was the fastest, marching to the side of Harry's bed and gripping his other hand tightly.

"Hey, Bogger." Josh whispered. His eyes were bloodshot. His short hair a mess.

The smiles on everyone's faces were forced ones, Harry could tell, but he appreciated their efforts. "How are you feeling?"

For a while Harry said nothing. He just stared at every single person in the room with glazed over eyes. How did he feel?

Tired, was the first thing that came to mind. He was still so damn tired. He just wanted to stop feeling so tired. Why was he still tired?

Physically, his body hurt. But that was nothing new. The pain in his throat was different than normal, and for a split second Harry was confused as to why. But then he remembered. Throwing up, falling over, passing out.

That must've been a mess to clean up.

"Boggo?"

Harry blinked. He tried to take a deep breath through his nose, but something appeared to be blocking it. Confused, he sluggishly brought the hand Simon was holding to his nose and attempted to pull out whatever was in it. Loud warnings rang through the room and Harry's hand was pulled away, back in Simon's warm embrace. Harry back looked at him with a startled look.