Indecisive Dreaming

My Confession

I suppose I'll start this off with a very cliché opening: there is something important I need to tell you.
The only thing I ask of you is to read through the entirety of my confession before you judge me or formulate your final opinion. It's an issue that's been weighing on me heavily for quite some time now, and I think the time has finally come when I have the courage and the trust to tell you.
I'm fairly certain I'm not the only person on Wattpad who has done this, but I've become so deeply involved that it is difficult to turn back now. I just want you read this and understand why I did what I did before judging me.
The simple fact of the matter is this: Genevieve Bernard is the pseudonym that I use online. It is not, and never has been, my real name.
When I started this account, I never intended to write anything. I'd previously set up an email account for myself under a false name to use for accounts, and especially to avoid spamming my real email. I believe I've had this email for around two years, and I joined Wattpad approximately a year after the email's creation, under the original name Genn_Bernard83. Since then, I've been GennBernard, gennbern83, gennilly, and most recently, gennamaze, but always some variation on Genn. Those of you who I've become close to know that this carries over onto other sites- my Google was genn.bernard83, and my Twitter name used to say Genn Bernard.
There were originally two reasons why I became Genn Bernard online. I would just like you to bear in mind that, as a 12 year old, these were highly self centred and not well thought through, although that does not excuse me from these reasons. I'm now 15 and I believe I can come to terms with this and understand my mistakes.
The first, and more superficial reason, was this: I didn't want my parents to know. I didn't want them finding out that I use Tumblr, or watch YouTube. They've never heard of many of my obsessions, because they're already hard enough to please, and I'd like to keep it that way.
The second, serious reason, had a far greater impact on my life. I'm very uncomfortable with saying this, but in my school I've gained a slight reputation for being intelligent, which, as you and I know, can be difficult. In my eighth grade year, I won the school's spelling bee for the second year in a row, beating fifty other kids to advance on to the regional level. A couple of weeks later, my parents Googled my name and found a fake social media account set up under my name by kids at my school which was entirely to make fun of me. The account was removed and a school assembly on cyber bullying was held, but such events have made me reluctant to have any presence on the Internet under my real name.
The combination of the two led me to create a false name- not a false personality, as I've gradually come to realise, simply a cover, if you will. When I joined Wattpad, I never intended to write anything or make any online friends, having been thoroughly educated about the dangers of doing so, but now I have and I can't turn back. The trust I've developed as a result of this means that I think I'm strong enough to accept the consequences of my actions and take whatever you may say. Of course, I could just run away from it if the response is negative. I could delete the account, and all my other social media under this name, and pretend it never happened, but I like to think I'm stronger than that.
You may be of the opinion that because I've lied to you I'm weak, and if you still truly believe that this false name is a betrayal, then I'll understand if you no longer believe I'm worthy of your follow, your comments or your votes, then I hope I can accept it. But what I hope more is that you understand, and that you'll find a way to forgive me for what I've done, and if you can, then that you'll be at least content with my solution.
My solution, as you've probably noticed, is to change my username and profile to something far more impersonal: oppositeshapes. I'd like to reintroduce myself to you. I'm very uncomfortable putting my full name online, but I believe that I can safely use one of my favourite nicknames.

Hi! My name is oppositeshapes, but call me Shapes, or Digan. I'm a fanfic writer, mostly Dan and Phil, but I occasionally dabble in some original fiction on the side. I'm heavily opinionated on a lot of topics, and I'm a slight Grammar Nazi, but I like to think that I'm a nice person really. I enjoy Doctor Who, YouTube, debate, language, marching band, and inhabiting the Internet during my free time. I'm a liar and I sincerely apologize but I hope you can understand.