And the Petals Fall | ✔

I Never Know

~~

My therapist asked me today,

Why do you feel like the way you feel?

Trust me

And tell me,

What is it that triggers you?

And I answered again and again,

I don't know that well either, I'm sorry

I'll forfeit

Rather than admit,

I'm crumbling each day worse than a rule.

Do I hate myself, or do I hate my life, or do I hate both?

I never know, I never know

I just want to listen to my favourite song all day and night

I can't help feeling so low, so low

I never know, why I feel so low,

I never know, I never know.

The people around me said 

I could reach out to them if I needed to

But how do I

Figure out that I

Need help in a way I'd never miss it again

Colours are more than just shades of red

Was something that I'd forgotten too

But every signal

Makes me feral

And the dreams get worse each day

Do I hate myself, or do I hate my life, or do I hate both?

I never know, I never know

I just want to listen to my favourite song all day and night

I can't help feeling so low, so low

Everything is oh-so-hard, 

Harder than the pillars my insecurities built,

But what do they even support?

Huh, it isn't even support now, is it?

It's fake decorations, all fake fake fake feet

And do I hate myself, or do I hate my life, or do I hate both?

I never know, I never know

I just want to listen to my favourite song all day and night

I can't help feeling so low, so low

I never know, why I feel so low,

I never know, I never know.

~~