Perfect Illusion

Chapter 10: The Cat's Out of the Bag

These thoughts continued to circle around and around in her mind as she made her way across the car park, her arms crossed tightly over her grey coat that was wrapped around her snugly. Her large handbag swung from her forearm as she finally reached the new hospital bar. She and Elliot had reconciled before she left, no doubt they'd argue about something else tomorrow but at least today's bickering was put to bed. As she got closer to the entrance she slowed her pace, her breath visible on the cold air whilst her scarf bundled around her neck kept her warm. The short pixie hair-cut she had offered little warmth to the back of her neck in these temperatures. She remained stood for a minute or so, the hesitance becoming greater until her brain convinced her to turn back around and leave.

"Didn't think you'd come." His warm, smooth words made her jump nearly all the way out of her skin. It was Sam, he was sat on the steps outside, alone and in the dark. Cigarette in his hand as he blew smoke up into the cool night air. She moved his way and perched on the step next to him without speaking a word.

-X-

It was nearing nine o'clock at night, his 'Welcome Back' drinks in the bar were in full swing and in true Sam Strachan style, had turned into more than just a few drinks. Yet here she found him, sat alone on the steps outside. She'd half expected to find Chrissie Williams latched on to at least one part of his body but she was inside, visible through the window moments before she sat next to him on the freezing cold stone step. All the noise trapped inside whilst they remained outside in the icy, quiet air. She'd been seconds away from leaving, having allowed Elliot's words to drill into her heart and persuade her to attend but last minute jitters got the better of her as she'd attempted to leave unseen. She was caught redhanded, by Sam himself. He looked half cut, disobeying all orders within his recovery plan.

"You've been drinking."

"I needed it." He slurred, his eyes half closed with the effect of alcohol. "I've had a shhhhitty day."

"You and me both." She smiled, her eyes were glassy under the moonlight. "Don't do that." She spoke in a hushed tone, taking the cigarette from his hand and putting it out under her own foot with a scowl. "I didn't even know you smoked."

"I don't. Well, I didn't. Maybe I do now?" He looked down, trying to find his glass of vodka he'd discreetly taken outside with him. As soon as he found it and raised it to his lips she wrapped her hand around it delicately, removing it from him as she had done the cigarette.

"What are you doing? You shouldn't be drinking in your state." She whispered more to herself than Sam, setting his glass down away from him on the other side of where she sat. He wasn't ridiculously drunk, just enough to make him sound a little delayed.

"Oh yeah, this." He slapped his chest hard, causing her brows to furrow with concern. "I forgot about that."

"Sam." She grabbed his wrist gently as he pulled back to do it again, preventing him from thumping his own healing chest wounds beneath his crisp white shirt.

"I haven't really." He let a small laugh out after a minute of quiet, even though there was nothing funny about it. "How could I? I wake up in the middle of the night, like I can feel it happening all over again. Can't the images out of my head." His words were lazy and low yet his eyes remained slightly sad.

"You've been through-"

"Severe trauma, I know." He bit abrasively, but quickly backtracked after rubbing his face tiredly. "I'm sorry, I didn't meant to snap." Exhaling deeply he tilted his head back and looked up at the stars for a spilt second before returning his gaze to the row of street lights ahead of him. She remained quiet by his side, her own thoughts swarming her mind still. "It's just, you see people going through far worse yet I'm struggling with this?" He squinted, utterly confused by how this could even be possible. "I mean, I know it was physically quite traumatic but there's more awful things to be dealing with."