Rites of Passage | Damian x OC

24. So Many Questions, So Few Answers

"Tell me, am I wrong for this?

I never thought I'd fall for this

Tell me, am I wrong for this?

If I ever fell off track,

would you bring me right back?

I know you will"

~ Zachary Knowles, "city"

Chapter 24: So Many Questions, So Few Answers

How could he have been so blind?

Everything was incredibly still. The only sounds were the faint whirring of the lab machinery before him, analyzing, assessing, working away. His eyes remained on the pinch of glittering, crystalline powder, though they were unseeing; instead, he was picturing familiar hazel irises as they narrowed at him in irritation. He saw them widen by a fraction at the words he'd spoken, filling with something that immediately sent regret into his bones. He saw her figure walking away quickly, felt the ache to get out and grab her arm. Make her stay. Make her understand.

But he'd only made her hurt.

How had he not seen the signs?

There was a resounding, short beep from somewhere behind him, a notification on the computer, followed by the lab machine shutting off as the process completed. But he stayed seated, elbows on the table with his clasped hands up to his nose, gaze still drilling into the substance in front of him.

The most obvious, telltale signs of being under the influence of stardust include bloodshot eyes and/or dilated pupils, more hyper or relaxed behavior (depending entirely on the individual, dosage, and intent), heightened senses...

He couldn't immediately recall any instance during which Jess had ever displayed anything that would have suggested she was using the drug. Did that mean she'd never consumed it when she was with him? Had she been careful enough not to use too much when she knew they'd be spending time together? Or was it possible that she'd been under the influence and had never exhibited these side effects?

How could I not have known?

Most importantly, why had she resorted to doing such a thing?

As if her gravitation toward drinking and underage parties hadn't been enough. Damian could only guess that her probation officer knew about her breaking the facility's curfew for the second time. She had also probably noticed that Jess looked out of sorts that morning, too. If he'd really wanted to, he could have dug up whatever update the woman had written on their meeting, seen what her response was and if Jess was facing consequences. Yet the only priority that had settled in Damian's mind that morning was determining how he'd fallen so short, why he had never noticed before.

Fourteen hours, zero calls, zero texts. In another reality, she would have told him herself what had come of her meeting anyway, but he hadn't heard from her at all. He hadn't reached out either, less than eager to be reminded of their unfortunate disagreement and focused instead on getting answers to the too many questions that had been living in his mind. Besides... he wasn't sure he was ready to face her.

Damian stood and made his way to the computer. The results from the lab test were displayed on the screen, the familiar chemical formula and data confirming his suspicions. Though he'd already been more than ninety percent sure the substance in that bag had been stardust, he'd had to make absolute sure before doing anything serious. He'd needed to take an inconspicuous amount from it when she had stormed off earlier, returning it minutes later to appease her.