Rites of Passage | Damian x OC

29. An Impasse

"Is it alright if I don't make sense
Even to myself?
Can I call you back again?
When I'm out of feelings
Done with missing out on things
And I'm missing you
Can I call you back?"
~ Shy Martin, "Can i call you back?"

Chapter 29: An Impasse

11 days later

"Miserable."

"... How so?"

Well, where would she start? It'd been eleven days since arriving back in Central City, a span of time she'd list in her top three worst periods of her life. Though she'd anticipated a sure struggle in her transition back home, nothing would have prepared Jess for the overwhelming, suffocating feelings of loneliness and desolation. It almost didn't matter that she stayed in contact with Misty and Damian, being on phone or video calls and texting with them almost everyday; her only social, in-person interaction was with Lora, and that in itself was already limited.

Because the anxiety about being in this city that offered her nothing had the teen shutting herself away in her room most of the time and hardly leaving the house. She spent her days sleeping, finding ways to entertain herself with tv shows and movies, social media, anything that would occupy her time. Of course, Jess had tried and gone out a handful of times to revisit a few places she'd kind of missed, taking a walk to one of Central City's parks or stopping by the mall to see if retail therapy would provide any temporary comfort, but she'd soon found that one of her biggest worries was running into someone she knew. And as the days inched closer to the fall school semester, her uneasiness only worsened and her thoughts became riddled with questions of "What if?".

What if someone asked her about her whereabouts in the last two years? What if they knew she'd run away? What if a classmate had somehow found about the terrible things she'd done? What if she would be forever known as the girl who'd lost both her parents and became a runaway and a juvenile delinquent?

What if she couldn't handle any of it?

And if all of that wasn't enough, Jess was still going through withdrawals from stardust. They'd gradually worsened after leaving Gotham, and now the symptoms were more than mental: she could hardly sleep at night, taking intermittent naps throughout the day, her appetite was all over the place and inconsistent, and there was this heavy, pressing sense of detachment that she couldn't shake. It was unlike anything she'd ever experienced before, even after the car accident; it was isolation on a whole other level that felt unique compared to what she'd felt after being put into her aunt's care.

Maybe it was because, while she still managed to talk to her two friends back in Gotham, having those connections and knowing she was separated from them made it that much more difficult. Not being able to see her parents ever again was one thing, but only having relationships over a phone line or internet connection was another. That particular distance and detachment was somehow worse in its own way, making Jess feel so much more withdrawn and secluded. It made getting through a single day harder than it needed to be, and there had been a few times when she'd almost broken down from the crushing feeling.

Even as she laid on her bed, earbuds plugged in as she contemplated how to answer her friend's question, she could feel that weighty isolation as it sat uncomfortably deep in her chest. It was like she was.. stuck in place here with nowhere to go.

"I dunno," Jess finally answered.

Her eyes were starting to sting, but she couldn't bring herself to really explain what she was feeling. There was no desire to get anything off her chest, only a yearning to cry... Though Jess didn't want to do that either because then Damian would worry. And she couldn't have him doing that.