Addicted

Chapter 13

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆TW!!⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

✿swearing

✿depressing topics 

✯Enjoy, my darlings✯ 

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For months, I work on repairing myself from the trauma of losing Him. I decided to not give Him a name, since it would only amplify the pain and remind me of what I lost. 

I spend lots of time with Jack and Lucy, I bake a lot, I get to know the servants more. Selina comes over so much that Bruce had to call me and demand I give him his girlfriend back.

For over three months, I heal. Summer in Gotham is coming to a close, and with the fall winds bring back the gloom in full force. I honestly don't mind, though. It means more time with Puddin (he only agrees to business trips during fair weather since it's more safe and predictable).

Lucy turns two in early November, and Puddin's 37th birthday follows. Lucy's blonde hair starts to take on a strawberry tint, and she had begun to talk a few months back. Her first word was Mommy, followed closely by Daddy. 

Christmas swings around, then new years. The awful memory of losing Him is much diluted now, a stain in the back of my head. I'm actually debating asking Puddin if we can try again and be more careful this time.

One snowy day, I'm talking to Selina, lounging on her bed in pajamas, painting my nails. I bring up thinking about asking for a baby again, and she chokes on her drink. I pound on her back with my dry hand and she inhales shakily. "Are you sure?" she asked, eyes watering. "It wasn't very long ago that.... You know."

I take a deep breath. "I think I'm sure. I don't think the miscarriage was my fault. My only worry is.. What if they messed up my body? What if it's damaged and only miscarries now? I need to go to the doctor," I say, putting on a clear layer.

"And it still hurts," I say, my voice getting a little uneven, "But I want another baby so bad. Not just to have, but to help me forget Him a little, you know? Like if I have this one, maybe I won't be as sad over losing him since I'll be able to have this one, you know?"

She rubs my back. "I know," she says softly. "As long as you're sure you don't need more time to get better, I say go for it."

I look up, surprised. "Really? I thought you would be more adamant that I should be recovering for a little longer."

She grimaces. "I do think you should be recovering for a bit longer, but it's your body and your emotions. Do what you want, hon."

I sigh. "I just hope Jack is willing to do it, though. He's been awfully overprotective of me ever since the kidnapping. He makes me stay in the house unless he can go with me wherever I need to go. It's kind of cute and kind of infuriating, because I can take care of myself just fine- I shot Ivy when he was down, remember?"

She nods, rolling her eyes. "Men are stupid, Harls. Bruce acts all big and tough, but once we're alone, he turns into a big ass baby." 

I giggle. "Batman, a big baby?" I snicker. She smacks my shoulder. "Be quiettttt, it's cuteeee." 

"Suit yourself," I say, putting a clear layer on my other hand. "So what names do you like?" I ask, waving my hand to dry it. She pauses. "Well, if I have another kid, I like the name Liam, but that's me. I also like the name Nelson. What have you been thinking?"

"I'm stuck between the names Emmett, Everett, Oliver, and Owen," I say, sipping my drink carefully so my nails don't smudge. she looks intrigued. "I like those, I might have to stea-"

I give her a dirty look. "Not until I have my son. Then you can have whatever I don't pick." She debates for a second, then grins and sticks her hand out. "Deal," she says.

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