Merthur One-shots

Please Tell Them My Name

ANGST WARNING

Summary: Merlin comes to Arthur to break things off. He believes he is not worthy of a place beside the King and that Arthur needs more than him. Merlin requests that Arthur remember him and that he remains in his stories until they can reunite.

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Arthur?” Merlin’s voice echoed too loudly off the walls of Arthur’s sleeping chambers. The King was carefully fixing his hair with a comb, a look of pure concentration on his face. Merlin felt sick as he stepped farther into the room and closed the doors behind him. Arthur caught him lurking in the mirror and his face quickly brightened as he turned around to meet his lover. 

“No need to creep around Merlin. These are your chambers too.” If Arthur had noticed Merlin’s strange behaviour he didn’t say anything. “Speaking of which,” Arthur frowned as he approached Merlin. He rested his hands on Merlin’s shoulders and gently massaged them with his thumb. “You keep leaving before I wake up. Is something going on because you don’t have to hide anything from me?” Arthur’s hands ran down Merlin’s arms to take his hands. 

Merlin opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. He had no excuse. The truth was that he’d been thinking. Alone. It had all started with a sly comment from a visiting noble. 

He’s just a servant. He’s nothing special. Eventually, Arthur will see that and remember his duties to the Kingdom. He’ll remember what Uther taught him.

The words had stuck with Merlin. He couldn’t manage to shake them off. That was a month ago and since then Merlin hadn’t been able to shut down his thoughts. He’d always known that was the truth. Merlin couldn’t give Arthur what he needed. Arthur needed a Queen, and Merlin couldn’t be his Queen. Arthur needed to bear children, to continue the Pendragon line and Merlin couldn’t give him that either. Arthur also needed approval and there was no way the people of Camelot let alone the nobles of surrounding kingdoms would think highly of him for marrying Merlin. Merlin could be the greatest warlock in the world but he didn't feel worthy of Arthur's love. No, Arthur deserved so much better and Merlin now realised what he needed to do. 

Merlin had thought about it a lot, and he knew he loved Arthur. He loved Arthur more than anything else. No one meant more to him than Arthur but they’d had their fun. Merlin had enjoyed the time he’d gotten with Arthur but that ended today. Merlin refused to draw him in anymore. It would only heighten the blow when they realised they couldn’t continue their relationship and he couldn’t live with the thought any longer. That was why Merlin had been keeping his distance. Less time around Arthur, less casual touches, fewer kisses, less of... everything. 

“Merlin?” Merlin blinked away tears as Arthur’s voice transported him back into reality. 

“I need to talk to you about something.” He murmured. Merlin could already feel his hands shaking as he pulled them away from Arthur’s hold. 

“Merlin, what’s this about? What’s happened?” Arthur was getting more jittery now which only resulted in Merlin also becoming more panicked. Arthur guided a frantic Merlin to the bed where they sat down on the edge. Arthur looked like he wanted to reach out and hold Merlin or at least rest a hand on his shoulder. Any way to comfort him but he seemed to think better of it. 

“You know this isn’t going to last right?” Merlin wished he’d prepared a speech in his head beforehand. 

“What isn’t going to last? Merlin, what’s going on?” Merlin wished Arthur would ask fewer questions. 

“Us.” Merlin choked out over a sob. “We can’t keep this up, Arthur. It’s just going to hurt more when it all ends.”

“Slow down.” Arthur began to wipe the tears from Merlins cheeks without thinking. “Merlin please, I don’t understand.”

“We have to stop courting!” Merlin yelled. He was frustrated at himself more than anything else. One look at Arthur’s face had him wishing he could hide away immediately. 

Arthur decided to take the gentle approach. “Hey, what’s brought this on? You know you shouldn’t listen to what anyone says.” He clearly thought Merlin was going through one of his insecure phases he often fell into and maybe he was right but Merlin couldn’t put this off any longer. 

He’s just a servant.

Merlin squeezed his eyes shut tight against the tears. “I can’t Arthur. I can’t marry you; I can’t rule beside you. You need a Queen who can... give you children and make you a good impression.”

“You think I care about any of that?” Arthur asked. “Merlin I- gods I don’t need any of that when I have you!”

“I know Arthur but... I do care. I care so much about you I have to let this go.” Merlin wiped his face on the sleeve of his tunic as he pulled himself together. 

“Merlin, you can’t do this.” Arthur was beginning to release his own tears now. 

“You’re the King Arthur.”

“Damn right I am!”

“But that means you have duties and I can’t be by your side.”

“You can’t just leave Merlin. Can you not... take over your old duties? At least stay, please.” Arthur’s voice grew smaller, and he tried to grab Merlin’s hands as he stood up. 

“I can’t do that either,” Merlin whispered. He couldn’t go back to being Arthur’s servant. It had been years since those days. 

“Well, I can’t let you do this Merlin. I am your King. I order you to stay.”

“Don’t be an idiot Arthur.” Merlin didn’t mean for it to come out so soft but it had and he couldn’t take it back now. 

“I can’t do this without you Merlin,” Arthur sobbed. 

“Yes, you can. Just promise me something?” Arthur didn’t reply, and Merlin couldn’t bear to look at him. “Don’t forget me.” He heard Arthur gasp. “When you have a wife and children tell them our stories. I want our stories to live on somewhere. Then, one day you’ll return in a new age, and we can be together again.”

“Merlin... This can't be it... It can't be...”

“Promise.”

“Of course.” Arthur sniffled and Merlin wanted nothing more than to comfort him.

“I’ll be counting the days until then.” Merlin said as he left the room. He sprinted down the corridors as tears spilt down his cheeks. He could barely see through them, but he knew the castle. It was home. Another wave of emotions passed through him when he thought about leaving the castle, leaving Camelot. His things were already packed ready to leave. He would return to Ealdor for a bit until he made new plans. He wanted to travel but not too far. He was so used to looking out for Arthur he couldn’t bring himself to go too far away in case Arthur needed him. 

Merlin had to move quickly, though. It was only a matter of time before Arthur would realise all of Merlin’s belongings had already been removed from his chambers. All of his clothes and random trinkets he usually left lying around. The only thing Arthur would have left of Merlin was the ring. They’d had matching rings that Merlin had enchanted to grow warm when the other was thinking of them. It was an easy way to know their other half was alive during long durations apart.

Merlins rarely went cold.

By Augurey_Ray on ao3