The Two Lunas

Chapter 48

I can feel myself drifting further and further from reality. I am losing myself fast. And it should scare me, but it doesn't. There is actually peace in letting go. I can feel it. The only reason I am holding on is for the babies. I know Niles wants to give birth before he leave. And I will be there with him every step of the way.

Reagan is over, we talk about the babies and what we want to name them. I don't actually know which one Niles would have used for the boy, we never got that far in our discussions. He did like Rowan, he said so a couple times but it wasn't concrete, we were still trying to decide. But, it had been his favorite of the names we looked at. I am trying to name the children what he would want them to be named, but I can't be sure. I just hope he's happy with my decision.
And the fact I don't know breaks my heart even more. But I need to be strong for him. I will always be strong for him. We just need to hold on a little longer.

Reagan asked if Niles was in labor, but I don't know. He never said he was. He hasn't tensed up like he is. So I don't know. I know I should be able to tell. But I just feel a little lost and confused. I know my mind and soul is barely holding on. But I should know. I hold him closer to me. That's what I need, him closer. Reagan is talking on the phone so I ignore her.  It's so hard carrying on a conversation any more. All I want to do is talk to Niles. Nothing else really matter. I know I'm slipping. I have been drifting off a lot lately, and I am caring for my kids, but I know that I could be more attentive. Sometimes it takes a while for me to realize they're crying. And it's good that people drop by, I'm just not quite as present as I should be.  I know that should bother me, but it doesn't. I find comfort in my world. Because Niles is my world and he is always my comfort. He's my focus , my primary concern. Reagan grabs my hand and pulls me and Niles out the door. I'm not sure where we are going, but I don't care, as long as Niles is there.  Wherever he goes I will always follow.

Soon Reagan is driving us to the pack doctor.  We are pulled into the doctors office and they lay Niles down.

"Skyler. Niles is in labor. He's about to have his babies. But he's can't push. So we need to cut him open." I look at them but I only partially follow. Niles is having his babies. The babies are coming. I smile and nod. They change him into a hospital gown. And pull out a knife and I freak out.  They can't take him from me, they can't. I quickly shift to my Cheetah and launch at him. I have never fought in my life. And I am proud of my cat. He knows we must defend my mate. Ryder rushes in and tackles me to the ground. "Shhh, it's okay Skyler. You're okay. Shhhh. We just need to get the babies. shhhh. Niles is too weak to push the babies out. So we need to do a C-section. Do you understand?" I shook my head. Because I don't understand. I don't. They need to leave Niles alone. He's already hurting so much. Why do they want to hurt him more? He can't take any more. I can't lose him! I try to shake Ryder off me to get to Niles. I need to protect him. They are trying to hurt him. My Niles. My Sweet little wolf. I keep trying to bite Ryder and fight him off. But while my Cheetah may have the will to fight for the one thing that matters, I'm not strong enough. I begin making distressed howls. I cry out for someone to listen. I need to save my wolf. My soul. My life. They are hurting him and I need to be there for him. I need to save him and nobody will let me. Just the thought of them hurting him is absolutely destroying me. I cry out more. I can hear Ryder talk to me, but nothing matters but My Niles. Nothing. Niles is my world, and they aren't letting me save my world. 
After far too long they let me up. I see the babies in the background but I need my Niles I shift to my human and leep at him. He's fine. He's okay. His stomach has a scratch, but he's fine. Someone saved him for me. I cling to him. Hoping I never have to let him go. "I love you" I choke out. I am shock when I hear him speak for the first time in over a month. "I love you too". I look at him. His lip twitches in a small smile and I smile at him. I hug him tight. I kiss his lips and watch as a content look crosses his face and he breaths his last breath. He had completed what he had set out to accomplish. I knew his babies were always his goal. And he told me he loved me one last time. Now he was able to leave in peace. I love that he looks so content.
But he left me. He left. He's gone.

I hear screaming. It's piercing my ears. I cling to my lover.
It takes a while for me to realize I'm the one screaming. But I can't stop.
He left. I'm all alone.

I'm alone.

I keep pulling at him.
Trying to get closer.
But he left.
No matter how close I get, he's still gone.
He left me.
I climb on top of him and try desperately to hold on to him. But it's no use. I know it's no use. But I can't stop from trying. I keep pulling at him, clinging to him.
I'm desperate.
Someone tries to grab me but I release my fangs and growl fiercely. When they let go I focus back on my Niles.
My sweet little wolf.
Nothing is making sense.
I knew he was leaving.
I'd always known
But now I didn't know what to do.
He was my life
My world
My soul
I chest hurts.
I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest.
I hurt so bad.
He was my heart and he left.
It only makes sense that my heart would leave too.
I continued to scream as my heart seems to beat out of my chest.
But none of that matters, my Niles left.
He's gone.
And he can never come back.
I know I want to follow. I need to follow. I can't live without him. I never could.
He is the love of my life.
I beg the god to take me with him.
Don't leave me here all alone.
Please. Oh God please
Please take me with.
My soul is in anguish and my heart feels like it's going to explode. But nothing matters. Nothing but my Niles. My sweet little Niles.
But my Niles left me
And now I'm here all alone.

Finally, I begin to feel some peace. My heat is hammering in my chest. And it hurt but finally I begin to get relief. I can feel Niles soul coming closer to me. I can sense his spirit drawing near. And despite my pain, despite my anguish. I find comfort in knowing my Wolf is coming back for me. He didn't leave me. He waited for me so we could go together.

The pain finally stops.
The screaming goes silent
And there is my little Niles reaching out for me hand.
I grin as big as I ever have and grab his hand.
He waited for me.
He never left.
Not truly.
And finally I feel whole again.
I'm not alone
And I know, I'm going to be okay. I thank every god who is listening for giving Niles back to me

Even if it's through death.

Nothing matters like he does.
I will never regret staying by his side.
I know people will care for and raise my kittens.
They'll be fine.
But nobody can replace Niles.
Nobody.
And I always said I would follow him anywhere
Even unto death.

I giggled at seeing him and run into his arms
I kiss his cheek and smile

It's all going to be okay now

I'm going to be okay