Fire Heart

3

Three days of school had gone by in a blur, but it had finally come to the day of the school trip. We had the 'pleasure' of spending a whole three weeks on a farm in the middle of nowhere, the good thing was I didn't need to pack, I hadn't unpacked from when I arrived in New Zealand. My suit case had been chucked in the holdall below and I was staring out of the buses window watching the trees blur into a mixing pot of different shades of green. I didn't like anyone in my P.E class which just happened to be the class I was spending a whole three weeks with! The worst thing is, I don't think any of them like me either.

School is an easy place to make enimies. Apparently acting like you've 'been around' doesn't make you any friends, it just makes everyone think your cheap and have no class. But lately I'm starting to think that about myself anyway, it's how I have been acting. But I don't know how to change it, because I never want to let my guard down again. Men lie and they don't care how much it hurts you. they don't care if they break you, as long as they get what they want, they don't care.

So I decided to try a different tactic, the girl next to me was called Rose she seemed nice enough yet with few enough friends to not automatically turn me away. I dug into my small back pack and pulled out two lollipops and passed her one. She have me the strangest look it was like I just handed her something disgusting like a spider or something! "What's that?" She asked almost in disgust
"...well I think it's kinda obvious, it's a lolly."
"Yeah I know that"
"Well okay so maybe I didn't go about it in the right way but it was just a way to say hi."
"What so now you all sweet and innocent...hmmm acting like a shy school girl or something?"
"Whatever! You know what forget it! I was trying to be nice you know make friends but whatever"
"Well excuse me but last time I checked you were nothing more than some cheap girl how goes off with other peoples boyfriends in the first two hours of their school life! That's not someone who I want to be friends with okay." I didn't bother replying, was I feeling guilt? Or was I just plain embarrassed by my actions? Not just these past few a school days but for the last six months? I'd been so stupid yet I refused to see it. I need to change... but how? That's what I don't know. I looked back over at Rose who's sitting tense and frustrated staring blankly past me and out the window and I whispered "it's not who I want to be"
"It's not who I am"
With eyes loaded with tears I follow Rose's stare out the window.