Spill Me

#5 ThE gUiLt I fEaR

"I'm sorry for being the reason for how you are now."

Do you know how hollow it feels when you get to know you're the reason for your loved ones pain? When you were the one protecting them, being their shield but would you ever think to be the monster to scratch that beautiful heart?

Being in that position you would wish to rather die than be that cruel person. 

"I feel numb," she said. I wasn't sure what to say, how to comfort her because I can't play the friend role when I was the dark smoke that's surrounding her, flowing in her, intoxicating her emotion. I froze her emotion, I have only felt it but never planned it on others. I felt guilty...I felt guilty and sorry because I know how it feels. You would never want one to go through something horrible you did, would you? The fact I did it without realization is killing me. The guilt I feared, the guilt that grows darker, the guilt that stabs in my heart, the guilt that makes me wanna cry in blood and take the pain she felt into me.

I love her so much, so much that I can't explain to her how. She is someone special and the one I treasure in my heart and memory well. The fact of losing her chokes the breath on my throat and my heart squeezed to splatter in fresh liquid of red. I can picture myself crying for her comfort on my knees as I reach my hands out, seeing her walking away from this scattered portal of darkness, me.

I'm sorry, I was not able to return the way of love you have for me but I appreciate it. I know how precious and worthful it is but you should know that I'm not the person to receive it, I don't deserve it, someone better is. 

Lastly, thank you for everything, your love and care kept me comforted and warm in this cold world. A thousand thanks won't repay what you've done for me. I'm not sure if you want us to still go on or end it here and now, either one I will understand and know it's for the best.

A/N: you shouldn't have dropped your violin lesson, I know it's because of me.....

you shouldn't have left your important conducting practice for me, just to keep me company.....

I honestly don't deserve you, you are greater than anyone can think of.