Spill Me

Stage 3: Acceptance

What is wrong with today? Why am I so emotional when I think of you? Me trying to hate you never helped, did it? Tonight, I long for you more than I do usually. This is not normal, I don't want these thoughts. The urge to come running to you and hug you so tight as if there's no tomorrow, run my fingers through your curls and fill my lungs with your smell and make sure I reek of you when we're apart. The long for your touch when I've not even met your shadow. It has become so intense that I might go to any extent for you but I remind myself of the truth and reality. I'm wide awake now wondering if you're up too, whether I crossed your mind and missed me for once or were busy on a call with someone else. I still wish the best for you but can't help to think you'd never find someone better than me, it's selfish I know and I don't mind so cause all my life I was too giving. You taught me to be selfish, selfish to keep someone close to us and closer to my heart. I would've tried all possible ways if only the 3rd party wasn't in the picture, so I had to play the good person role and be happy for you from afar. Just so you know, I'm not the kind of person to give up easily and what I had for you was huge, I'd go to any level to get what I want, I'm very known for my stubbornness. For the first time, I had the urge to pursue a person instead of flying colour grades and dealing on occasions. I had no praise or satisfaction to chase but just your heart. Did I go overboard by knowing the risk of losing what we had and going after you regardless of the result? I won't lie about you not being on my mind, bothering my daily life, though I don't mind it now, at least you stay there. I won't hide the fact that what I felt for you was not a big deal because it very much was. I won't try to avoid you so that I could go on further, cause it clearly didn't work for the first time ever. I won't do these things cause I've come to the stage of acceptance in moving on if that's what they call it. I will let go of my grip to stay by the shore with you and let myself drown for the second time, the lesson learnt on the first was probably not enough. I've never been this honest about you but the craving overtook me today, I don't know how else to express it, this is the only way I get to do it and it belongs to me in every way. Even if you ever come to know this, you're just another walking past the art in the museum, whether you admire it or not it's just there and you're not involved in the built but your past. So let me just vent and rant about how much I love, and miss you and should move on from you until I feel nothing at all.

A single reaction from you is enough,

An update or a notification,

Describing it all for you at all points,

Yes, I wanna move on,

But I'll make use of these last crumbs,

For the art of my emotion-fused talent.

A/N: wow, never talked about this side of the story openly before......