Dear boyfriend (or ex-boyfried),
I am not one for crying. It is thought of as weak, so through the years I have taught myself to cry alone. To hide it. Trust me when I tell you I know how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear. I know what it's like to wait for everyone to be asleep to fall apart. For everything to hurt so bad you just want it all to end.
My eyes swell and turn red. I'm unable to speak, unable to breath, and unable to do anything. The colors around me blur to gray and I can longer distinguish one thing from another. The weight in my chest. The lock in my throat. Then the tears. The river trailing down my cheeks, to my neck, and then to my chest. Only to have them melt into the clothes I wear.
You were the one good thing in my life. The one good thing I looked forward to seeing because I hated everything else in my life. For the first time, I saw a future I didn't mind having.
You let me make plans! Plans for the both of us, but two years wasn't enough for you. I wanted to do things with you. To participate in a color run with you, to eat at new places, see new movies, and have our own movie nights. The home movie nights were we stay cuddled beneath the blankets.
I wanted to make Pinterest dinners and see how badly we could screw up the step-by-step directions. I wanted to decorate our first place together and decide what kind of kitchen ware to have. I just wanted everything with you. Two years and you fell out of love while I fell deeper.
I can't imagine a day without you and now I have to imagine a lifetime.
Love,
Noelle
YOU ARE READING
Letters From Silence
AcakA collection of letters for everything I've ever wanted to say to someone but I don't have the strength/courage to say it to their face. I've got bite marks on my tongue from all things I've never said.
