beetlebum - oasis/blur

LIAM THE MONEY BANK

LIAM'S POV

Heard from several fuckin' sources that Brona and her mates were proper annoyed at me and Noel. I didn't even say nothing bad about her, just had a fuckin' go at her mates and that. They did it to us all the time so who the fuck cares.

I'd fucked off to that club we'd been in the other week for that Victoria Secret shite. It was well posh, but the drinks were mint so I wanted to go back. Noel decided not to accompany me this time as the missus was fuckin' yattering on in his ear about taking her to dinner. At least I had Bonehead and Guigsy though.

I'd just had a pint when I'd heard all the fuckin' ruckus. Popped my head round the corner to see Dylan whats his fucking name get decked by some girl. Lovely.

I'd honestly love to thank whoever it was, because Dylan was a fuckin' wrongen, always fuckin' touching birds up and all. He deserved it the fuckin' Frankenstein lookalike.

Strangely when the police came, it weren't for me this time. Instead they went straight for that girl and I knew I recognised her, just couldn't quite put my finger on it. The police lifted her and escorted her out of the club. She was a fuckin' hero in my eyes man.

I went outside to the smoking area, feeling someone following me. Fucking pervs.

I searched for my pack of cigarettes-if only Brona was here to give us a light.

"I'll give you a light if you lend us some money," a girl rushed out, two others standing behind her. I recognised the girls as Brona's mates, and the one that spoke had been Neve.

I tutted, "get ta fuck."

"Nah man, I'm being serious," she sighed. "Brona's got herself lifted by the coppers and we've no money to go and get her."

And how the fuck am I involved in this?

"Alright? I 'aven't a clue why you're askin' me for." And I didn't have a bloody clue, they could've asked literally anybody else.

Kat rolled her eyes at me, stepping forward. "You're absolutely fuckin' loaded mate. We just need taxi money and about two thousand quid." She'd whispered the last part hoping I wouldn't hear it, but I did.

"You're 'aving a laugh, aren't yas? Two thousand fuckin' pounds? While I'm just givin' stuff away, how about I throw my left bollock in there as well. Do you fancy it?" Imagine handing out money to girls you hardly knew, especially considering they were fuckin' rich as well.

Jess glared at me, "I'm fine thanks." She stood closer to me, but I wasn't fuckin' intimidated. Nice try, tiny. "Look Gallagher, we just need a favour. Damon's ran home to get the two thousand but it might take a while. We'll pay you back obviously, not lookin' to drain ya dry."

"It fuckin' feels like it! Is that all I am to yous? A fuckin' bank? Thought we were mates," I sniffled. Taking the piss of course. "She punched that Dylan fella, didn't she? What'd he do?"

"The dirty bastard kept puttin' his arms round Jess and all, touching her thigh. She told him to stop multiple fuckin' times, but seeing as Damon and the lads were at the toilet, he didn't feel threatened by us," Neve paused, "so Brona went fuckin' mental."

"Not suprised," I mused. "I'll give yas two thousand if one of yas sucks me off." Earned a whole lot of complaints and slaps there so I did.

"Way and fuck you cunt," Kat fumed, "I'd rather suck on Alex's toes."

"Bit odd," I commented, staring at her weirdly. "Nah I'm takin' the piss. I'll lend yas money, as long as i'm getting it back," I put out my cigarette. "I'm gettin' in the fuckin' taxi though, wanna go home, kno what a mean?"

They all nodded in agreement and we made our way to the front of the club, a few taxis were already waiting about. I'm 100% sure we stole someone else's taxi, but who gives a fuck? It was freezing and I needed to get Brona Monroe outta jail.

I took care of all the legal shite, smirking as I did so. Arrogant bastard I am, but I loved that they needed me.

Brona was finally released, looking fuckin' wrecked if I must say. She was so done, it was a fuckin' laugh seeing how annoyed she looked. But I knew she didn't regret punching that cheeky cow in the face, I would've done it too.

"And what the fuck are you doing here, dickhead?" She was fuckin' fuming, wasn't she? Thought she'd be happier to see such a good-looking person like me.

"I think you mean 'cheers, Liam', don't you? Cause I've jus' fuckin' went and paid your way outta this fuckin' place. Smells like shite in here, did you stink it up?" Hated her I swear to fuck. Like where's my thank you?

Her gaze softened as she looked round to see if her mates were listening. "Cheers Liam and nah man, I haven't fuckin' stunk the place up, some woman they were holdin' next to me just kept fuckin' farting-it was like her arsehole had its own secret language and it was telling me summat."

"It was me, I was communicatin' through 'er arsehole, tellin' you I was comin' 'ere," it's just the truth innit. Fucks sake I'm so high, don't even get me started.

"Didn't know you were bilingual mate," she laughed. "Nah, but seriously cheers for the money, I'll pay you back. Have you got a phone number?" Knew you couldn't get enough of me love.

I wrote it down on a piece of paper for her. Then she told me she had to go home with her mates, they were going to shove water down her throat and tuck her into bed. How cute.

"By the way, Damon's already sorted the money, givin' it back ta me so he is, don't be worrying." I grinned at her, "you keep that number though, love. You keep it."

NOTE

full of absolute fucking shite this chapter is
worst one yet lol
-ur bestie xx