Inner War

Maybe If...

The insecurities started in 5th grade.
Aisah was an average girl.
"Average." Its not bad to be average, but Aisah hated being average.
She hated her grades.
She hated her way of thinking.
Most of all, she hated the way she looked.

She had a friend, who was obsessed with being skinny.
Her friends name was Sasha.
Sasha would never bully Aisah, but Sasha did bully fat people, when Aisah was around.

Aisah was afraid, that if she got fat, she would lose Sasha.
She didn't want that.
Sasha had recently been telling Aisah that if she kept eating so much, she'd get fat.
What didn't help Aisah, is when she actually did start to gain weight.

"Maybe If I just lost a few pounds.." Aisah thought.
It was Mid-April when she decided this.
She decided to cut out sugar. She thought that would do it.
She also did a few workouts here and there, nothing consistent.

By late-may (last day of school), she had lost 5 pounds.
She was proud of herself, but no one seemed to notice.
She decided five more would do the trick, but she wanted sugar again.

She decided she could have one sugary thing a day, as long as she did two workouts that day.
She did this for a while, and Aisah lost another 5 pounds, by the beginning of July.
She was starting middle school soon too, so she wanted to look her best.

She kept on with this, but somehow gained weight??
2 lb gain! In one day!
Another 2 lbs the meat!

"How is this possible?" Aisah thought.
She cut out the sugar again, and decided to do some research.
She decided to cut back and carbs and fats as well.
After all, this was a completely healthy way to lose weight. Right?
Nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy.
She started count calories as well.
1200 was the limit. She didn't want to go too low because, that was bad, but too high would make her gain.

Aisah did that, and the extra 4 lbs were gone in the next week. She cut back on salt too. Salt wasn't nessasarry, right?

School was starting soon, she started to get a thigh gap. She liked it. It meant she was successful. She kept going.

By the time school started, in mid-august, she was down another 3 lbs. It wasn't a lot, but it was better then nothing.
She was introduced to her teachers, and everything was fine. She decided to skip lunch. She had an apple that morning, so it would be fine.
Plus, mom was making bacon for when she got home.

At lunch time, she meant a girl named Izzy. Izzy was really nice. She was also skinny. Skinnier than Aisah. That made Aisah want to lose a lot more weight. Izzy and Aisah became friends.

After that day, Aisah went home.