*ੈ✩ 𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 ‧₊˚ s. kiyoomi

>𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝟷𝟹𝚝𝚑 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛

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"Oi! Shin!" I stopped and turned around, glancing at Maki, slaloming between the other students to get to me. "Oh god, you scared me last time!" She breathed, bending down to grab her knees with her hands.

"Huh?"

"You were walking right behind me and bam! You disappeared!" I nodded with a smile.

"Yeah.. wasn't feeling good so Kiyoomi walked me home."

"Didn't know you two were friends." She winced as we started to walk together, i laughed internally. Are we even friends?

"I don't even know myself..."

"Hey- when did you stop wearing eye liner?" I looked up to my eyelashes, shrugging my shoulders. She's noticing only now? Damn.

"I don't know, for a while. Maybe two weeks."

"What's with you? You're weird these days." I simply sighed but she jumped in front of me, wiggling two red papers in front of my face. "Oh look, Atsumu gave me this!" I took one.

"What's' that?"

"They're playing a match next week, he gave me tickets! So we can see them play!"

"Oh, that's cool." Kiyoomi.

"Tsumu insisted for you to come so.. there's yours."

"Thanks. My classes are over." I put the ticket in my bag and waved to Maki, who was stopping at the cafeteria.

"Already?! Its lunch break?!"

"Yeah.. i just had english and science this morning. See you, Maki."

I waved at her and made my way to the exit of the school, i changed my shoes at the lockers and stood in the frame of the large glass door.

The sky was shinning blue, but the air was freezing, i finally stepped out of the school, following the street to go back to my house.

"I do trust you. You're older than me, so if you were ghosting me i wouldn't be surprise, you know? I'm prepared to these types of scenario."

"You should be confident in yourself, babe."

  Nothing happened or at least nothing more than a very quick hug for saying goodbye, i hate myself for wanting more than a hug.

He was truly beautiful, he was wearing black jeans, black turtle neck and a beige trench coat with thin metallic glasses resting on his nose. I bet this guy has over hundreds girls at his feet without him noticing.

Am i a part of these girls?

I sighed loudly, dragging my feet one in front of the other slowly.. it's soon christmas. Not that i hate you this moment but i hate to be alone on christmas. I'm always depressed when it comes to the end of the year.

I opened the large door, leading to a large hallway with big corridors and sliding wooden doors. One person can't just live in there, it's a labyrinth. I made my way quickly to the bathroom, we're in december now and it's so damn cold outside, i need a hot bath.

I slowly started to relax my shoulder at the contact of the hot water on my cold skin, making me humming in satisfaction.

I'm happy he didn't noticed them.

I caressed slowly the white scars or the most recent ones drew on my skin with my thumb, i don't blame myself for trying to deal with life how i could but.. i don't like them. Every time i touch them, i can remember why, when, where. And i end up crying alone in my bathroom. I'm stupid...

I feel like i'm stuck in this infinite circle, being just.. jaded about everything. I fucking hate myself because i can't be happy or excited about something like Maki.

Is Maki really honest with me, with herself?
What is real, what is not?

I wish i could be happy, or just feel emotions when they're here. When is the last time i cried from laughing too much? When's the last time i enjoyed being outside under the sun? When's the last time i felt alive?

I closed my eyes, trying to search into my memories and i just stopped breathing for a second, when i remembered this wave of heat radiating my body when his hands were massaging my sides, when his lips were moving mines for seconds and seconds.

I felt something.

Deep down, a little hint of happiness showed up, proud of myself for feeling something new. But was it good? Was it good to feel this type of things for someone? Is that good to feel alive when someone was around? Before i could notice it, tears were running down- i mean pouring down my cheeks heavily.  I wanted to pour down my heart on something, someone, i wanted someone to hug me like no one ever did, i wanted to hear someone telling me that everything was going to be fine.

I wish you could text me, Kiyoomi, right now.

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