Ordinal - NCT Oneshots

||blushing rose - Huang Renjun||

A/N: This story contains mentions of loss and death as well as self-harm and smut, this story is also in Renjun's pov

As I ran through life meaninglessly, I found myself travelling from door to door always feeling as though something was missing. You were gone and there wasn't anything I could do but hide away from the world, you were something irreplaceable. All this time I've been chasing after you, searching for where you are...no one in my life had ever come through, all until I met you.

With the way your eyes sparkled under every light as if it was your first time seeing the world up close, the way your soft skin felt against mine...the way our lips melted together. Truth is that my heart has a hole in it, one shaped like you, the only thing I need to make my world picture-perfect...I'll search endlessly because you're my missing puzzle piece.

In the winter you always would cling to me for warmth, your skin being tinted a rosy colour as the cold nipped at the end of your nose and across your cheeks. Your small hands finding their way to my pockets searching for some warmth, my hands encircling yours as I held them tight. Everything was perfect...at least I thought they were. 

Days turned into months and I didn't know what to do to help anymore...you were fading away and I didn't even know why. I wish you told me why Pào pào...if you did I could have helped you...or been there for you better than what I was. I miss you so much and every day gets worse and worse without you, now I'm the one always cold. 

"hey Renjun, how have you been?" I heard the familiar voice but I couldn't focus on it as the cherry blossoms fell and the cool winter snow took over, it just reminded me of you. something so beautiful that can be taken away so easily...like a flower you were delicate and sweet. 

"Renjun?" a hand waved in front of my face and that's when I noticed Chenle seated in front of me, we were at a cafe...well I was and he must have just run into me. I tend to come here sometimes, it reminds me of you Pào pào...some of the boys say I should try and forget, that I've been grieving for too long, but how long is too long? we were together for a long time so was that too long? 7 years, was it too much for you?

"hey, Lele...sorry I was zoned out" I sent Chenle an apologetic smile as we sat together in the small cafe, both of us holding a hot beverage in hand while we sat in peaceful silence watching as customers roamed in and out of the small store. 

"you miss her don't you?" he suddenly asked, breaking the comfortable silence and turning it into something tenser. Chenle and I never really spoke about the whole situation, he saw you as a sister and was probably grieving as well. "yeah" I mumbled as I sipped now cold mocha I had as I turned to watch the snowfall once more, it was really beautiful this time of year and even though you hate the cold you for some reason loved the snow. 

"okay well, I have to head home now...my radio show starts in a couple of hours" Chenle spoke as he gave me a soft smile, standing up to leave. "call me if you need anything, she meant a lot to all of us and the guys don't understand that we all deal with it differently...I'm pretty sure Jeno still cuddles the plushie she gifted him" he spoked with a soft smile before he finally left me alone in the coffee shop.

"I suppose I should head back home" I muttered to myself as I packed up my belongings into my bag, walking out into the cool winter weather of Seoul. I had decided on walking home, it always helped me refresh my memories...like the time we went shopping together in that one store- you bought those cute panties that you always wore from there...I miss seeing you walk around in my t-shirts and those soft blue panties. 

I miss your touch, the way you knew me so well whether physically or mentally...you were perfect but I guess you didn't see that, did you? I saw it, how everything about you was absolutely perfect...the small freckles that littered your neck and the barely noticeable uneven bump of your collar bone from where you broke it. The way your nose turned upwards ever so slightly and how your eyebrows would knit together whenever you were concentrated. 

I miss it all, all up to the last day...the day I lost you forever when you disappeared into an ocean of a thousand roses. 

,,,

"Renjun stop it" she giggled as I lightly jabbed my hands at her sides, causing her to laugh and squirm under my touch. She was so cute and I loved her so much, I'm glad she accepted me...I don't know what I would do if she rejected my confession all those years ago-

"Pào pào, not until you say it...please for me" I battered my eyes at her as I leaned down so that our noses were now touching. "Huang Renjun, I agree with you that you are the best looking member out of Nct...even if that means I am lying to you in which I vowed I would never do-" aish she was so cheeky at times. 

"aww, baby...come on we both know I am the sexiest," I said with a smirk, I didn't mind her teasing honestly so I tend to just play along with it. "oh you mean Jaemin?" she joked making me gasp out in shock, "how could you" I placed a kiss against her lips as I spoke, "Jaemin...really" another kiss was placed against her lips. "The only difference is I love you Renjunnie" she laughed as she pushed me over so that she was now straddling me, she always looked so heavenly when she on top of me. 

My hands skimmed over her bare thigh, admiring the pinkened skin. it saddened me that she ever went through times where she felt as though she needed to harm herself...but I was proud of her for being strong and still being here. 

"Renjun?" Pào pào asked as she gently placed her hand on my cheek, caressing it ever so lightly. I hummed in response as my eyes fluttered up to meet her ocean blue ones. That's when I noticed the pink hue staining her cheeks as she squirmed in her seat on top of me, the friction causing a sense of arousal to form in my boxers. 

Suddenly she pressed her lips against mine with lust and the next thing I knew our clothes were thrown off and sprawled across the room. Her hands tangeled in my hair as soft moans left her lips, it was a heavenly sound that left me weak underneath her touch. My hands held her hips guiding her up and down as she tired out before swapping us over so I was now on top of her. 

My hands roaming her soft skin as I trailed open mouth kisses along her shoulder and down her breats, the softness of the surface was angelic and I craved it every second of the day. "baby...I love you so much" I whispered against her skin as I felt her nails dig into my shoulder. Sweet profanities leaving her lips followed by a trail of moans which fueled my ego-

Thrusting at a fast pace I felt my high start to bubble up just as Pào Pào had released her own orgasm, her walls tightening around me as I released to my own orgasm. The two of us panting as we cuddled up together, I couldn't be happier in that moment..."baby, promise you won't ever leave...as selfish and foolish as it may sound, I love you too much to loose you"the words left my lips as I snuggled up to her. 

"I could never leave you Renjun" she sang as she place a soft kiss against my lips. 

"Then why aren't you here anymore"