A New Life

Chapter 8-Better

I awoke and looked towards my phone for the time, 10:16 am. I lazily got out of bed to find Kendall and see what he had planned for the day. I could hear noise coming from the back of the bus and curiously, yet cautiously headed back to investigate. Once I came closer to the back lounge, I discovered Kendall, Logan and some guy I had never met, playing video games. Still not comfortable with new people, I stayed in the hall area not entering the lounge. I just stood. I didn’t say anything and they didn’t notice I was there. A second later, Logan screamed, “You’re gonna get us killed Kendall!” His loud screaming startled me and I took a step back deeper into the hallway where I was even more hidden.

Kendall replied in a noticeable quieter voice, “Shut up Logan, Jessie’s still sleeping.”

“Sorry, but you really are gonna get me killed.” Apparently this was the moment when other guy who apparently was playing against them chose to attack and really did kill both Logan and Kendall. Logan let loose a few profanities before saying, “Told you,” and throwing his controller down on the table in front of him. The other guy was celebrating by doing this victory dance and Kendall and Logan were just staring at him in defeat. I couldn’t help but giggle at the guy making a fool of himself by doing this funny celebration dance.

Kendall looked up suddenly when he heard me giggle. “How long were you standing there?” he asked while glancing at Logan.

“Long enough to know that Logan’s a sore loser,” I replied while sticking out my tongue at Logan who was glancing at me with a humored expression.

“Logan’s a terrible role model. Do not do anything he does.” Kendall stated completely seriously and Logan just shrugged not bothering to refute that statement and defend himself. “Anyway,” he continued, “This is Matt, and he plays keyboard in our band.” He said while pointing to the only other person in the back lounge. Matt said hi while smiling to me and I shyly waved and said hi back. Kendall put his controller down on the couch and came toward me. He securely hugged me and I returned the embrace. He whispered in my ear, “Are you feeling better?”

I nodded my head, still hugging him and whispered back, “Yeah.”

He let go of me and stepped back to look in my eyes, “Are you sure?” he asked searching my eyes and face for any sign of a lie. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m sure, no there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Okay, but can you just tell me what happened that made you so upset?”

“I guess,” I replied shrugging. He looked relieved that I agreed to tell him and he led me to the front of the bus where there was nobody.

“Do you want something to eat?” He asked as we neared the kitchen.

“No I’m not hungry.”

“You sure?”

“Yes I am sure, Kendall.” I stated.

“Okay,” he replied while sitting down on the small couch and motioning for me to sit next to him. I did and he started the conversation, “So what really happened last night since Ranel won’t tell me.”

“Well, I just, Ranel had to go fix some security issue right before he was going to lead me out to watch the concert so he had this other security dude lead me but the other guy was scary and big. His voice was gruff and he kind of reminded me of my adoptive dad and that really scared me. Even worse he grabbed onto my arm and led me out. I don’t know, it’s just that he made me uncomfortable and scared and I just started crying and freaking myself out and I couldn’t help it. Sorry if I worried you.” I began tearing up just thinking about the night before. I couldn’t help it, just remembering how scared I was and the memories of things that used to happen to me made me feel very emotional and scared.

He just pulled me in for another hug, “You don’t have to be sorry for that, okay? It’s not your fault, please never think it is. I am sorry for everything you had to go through in your past and I’m sorry you were put into an uncomfortable position and that you were scared. I will make sure that never happens again. I am so sorry babygirl.” He said sincerely, still hugging me. After a few more minutes of talking, we headed back to the back lounge since we had a few more hours on the bus before we arrived at the destination. I sat down between Kendall and Logan, closer to Kendall though. I watched them play more video games and try to shoot zombies this time. Logan offered for me to play but I declined not entirely seeing the point of working so hard just to kill a couple of zombies. Kendall was a little uneasy with the fact that they were even shooting zombies but I assured him that I was a big girl and I had seen much worse. He actually flinched a little when I said that I had seen much worse but he didn’t ask and I wasn’t going to go into any more detail.

Once we arrived in Utah where they would play their next show, they had to do a radio interview but I decided to stay on the bus where I felt safe. I didn’t want to go out and encounter a lot of people. I just wasn’t up for it since it truly was a big deal for me.

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We had to do an interview but Jessie said that she would rather stay on the bus and I didn’t blame her since I know how scary people are to her. Well I don’t really know, but judging from her reactions, I can tell she’s terrified of most new people. It just tears me up inside to know that my little sister has experienced things in her life causing her to fear people so much and to be scared of any type of physical touch. So far, I am the only person she has actually opened up to enough to hug or really come into any voluntary physical contact with and it really bothered me to know that the security guard just grabbed her hand like that without a care. I guess I couldn’t blame him because most people weren’t afraid of physical touch but it still bothered me and I felt like it was my fault for allowing it to happen even though I was on stage while it happened.

After the interview, I found Ranel and took that chance to talk to him about the incident. I explained what happened, since he really didn’t know what caused her to cry in the first place, and I told him that I didn’t want him to hand her off to any other security that she is uncomfortable with and I also told him to please make sure no one touches her without her consent even if it was just grabbing her hand or patting her on the back. He understood and agreed to let everyone know not to touch her. I thanked him and we all headed back to the bus.

Once on the bus we were kind of just sitting around killing time and listening to music. I was scrolling through my twitter mentions and I saw a few posts asking about “The girl at the airport” and I realized that I had never introduced Jessie to the fans. I knew I wanted to because she was my sister and I loved her and was proud of her and the fans meant a lot to me so I wanted to share her with them, but I didn’t know how. And to be honest, I was a little scared of how they would react because they tend to be crazy sometimes. After thinking for a while, I finally decided that I should probably make a video to explain some stuff because a single tweet wouldn’t suffice. I told Jessie about my plan and she was a little apprehensive about going on camera and having my fans see her but I promised that it would be fun and that she could get introduced to the people who allow me to do what I loved. She agreed, I recruited Carlos to film for us, and we began making the video. I sat on the couch near the front of the bus and Carlos started the camera and motioned for me to start talking. “Hey guys! I just wanted to make a quick video because I want you to meet someone who means a lot to me. Jessie, come over here.” I motioned for her to come and sit next to me on the couch. Once she was seated I continued talking. “This is my little sister Jessie!”

“Hi,” she stated quietly while waving.

“I just wanted you guys to meet her since I know that some people were wondering who she was so yes she is my little sister.” I smiled widely and Carlos stopped the recording. “See that wasn’t so bad,” I stated while side hugging her. She just nodded and buried her face in my t-shirt.