A New Life

Chapter 11-Scared/The Search

I anxiously waited for them to track the phone and eventually they did, discovering that it was indeed still at the venue, along the backside. I, along with a few policemen, rushed over there only to discover her phone completely alone on the ground. That can’t be a good sign.

I gave them all the information I knew and a picture of her, but that was about all I could do. I insisted on going out to just drive around in search of her and the other boys backed me up and came with me. We drove around the area squinting our eyes through the darkness in search of her, but we came up with nothing. I was in shock; I couldn’t believe she just disappeared. I couldn’t believe somebody would just take her. I knew she was a strong girl, but I didn’t know who she was up against. In all honesty I was just worried for her. She was my sister and I was supposed to protect her, I promised her that I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her, but I did. She’s missing and no one knows where she is. I don’t know where she is.

******

After the pizza came, the door burst open and he ordered me to get out of the bathroom. I got up, using all the strength left it me. I stood just outside the door to the bathroom and he headed to the bed to eat his pizza. I knew he wouldn’t give me anything to eat. About halfway through his first piece, he looked up at me and nonchalantly said, “You got fatter, don’t you have any self-control? Just cause its there don’t mean you gotta eat it. I’ll fix that.” That didn’t really surprise me, I had been told I was fat so many times when I lived with them, but I also rarely ate, since they never fed me, so my bones stuck out everywhere. They still called me fat though. I didn’t react to his words, instead I just stood still right where I was, watching him finish his slice and eat two more. Although I wasn’t extremely hungry because I was scared and it took my appetite away, I knew that I soon would be and I wouldn’t be given anything to eat. I hated how familiar it all was, I hated how I was living through everything I had spent the last two weeks trying to forget. 

As I stood watching him eat, I reflected on everything and remembered what life was like back when I lived with them. I barely ate at all, only scraps of food and whatever I could eat at school. School should have been my safe haven, but it wasn’t any better. I lived in as much fear at school as I did at home. Every day I went to school with the fear that somebody would see my bruises. I had grown up being told that if I told anyone what they did to me at home that they would “punish” me. I didn’t know what that meant, but I didn’t want to know. Not with all of the things they already did to me when I wasn’t even in trouble. I tried everything I could to be good, to do everything they asked, but nothing I did was ever good enough. I always did something wrong and got in trouble. Sometimes I never did anything wrong but I still got in trouble anyway. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I also didn’t know anything else. I didn’t know what it felt to be loved. All I ever knew was pain.

******

We didn’t stop driving around until the sun came up and we got a call saying that we had to head back to the busses because we had a long drive to Florida.  I didn’t want to give up, but I knew that the police were on the case and we weren’t helping much anyway. But I didn’t want to leave without Jes. I had no choice though; I couldn’t let the fans down. We tiredly returned and boarded the busses. I took a shower then climbed into my bunk and put my headphones in. I didn’t talk to anyone on the bus and I didn’t move for a few hours. I couldn’t sleep although I hadn’t slept all night and I could hear Logan snoring on the bunk across from me.

Everything suddenly felt so wrong. It’s crazy how quickly things can change. One second everything’s amazing. I finally found my sister that I never got a chance to know. I finally got her to come out of her shell, to stop being afraid of the world. She understood that not everyone was out to hurt her. Then suddenly everything doesn’t make sense anymore. She’s gone and I don’t know how to get her back. I don’t know where she is and I don’t even know if she’s okay. I need to know that she is okay. I need to know that everything’s fine. But I know that the world isn’t all happy and that nothings guaranteed. 

There was nothing I could do. That’s what bothered me the most, I think. I had no power to do anything. And all I was doing was sitting in a bus possible traveling away from my little sister. I told her I would protect her. That I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. But I let her down, I let her down and I don’t know where she is.

I didn’t sleep all night long. I just stayed in my dark bunk staring at the ceiling, hoping that somehow I could will her to show up. That maybe if I thought hard enough and wished hard enough she would come back.

******

When he finished eating, he dusted off his oily hands and came toward me. I instinctively backed up only to hit a wall. He was smiling evilly and that scared me more. “Tonight, you are mine,” he said scarily, “but tomorrow, I have a surprise for you.” If the first part of his sentence didn’t scare me enough, the second part sure did. He grabbed my wrist and began pulling me to the bed. I resisted at first, but he yanked so hard that I practically fell forward. I would have fallen flat on my face if I hadn’t stepped forward. He continued dragging me. Once we reached the bed, he threw me on it and I curled up in a tight ball. “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way,” he said while coming closer to me, I didn’t move at all, I only shook in fear so he continued, “I guess you choose the hard way. He overpowered me easily and removed all of my clothes throwing them across the room. He then tied my hands to the headboard and my feet to the bed posts at the bottom. I could barely move at all so he had full control to do whatever he wanted to do. And he did.

When he was finally finished, he didn’t bother untying me so I stayed like that all night long. I barely slept, I couldn’t sleep. I just cried and cried and cried, silently. I felt so violated, my body hurt all over. I just wanted to be in my cramped bunk on the bus bumping along some random freeway. I wished for Kendall, for any of the boys. For anyone who wouldn’t hurt me. Part of me had hope and told myself that tomorrow would be better. But most of me knew deep down that tomorrow would probably be ten times worse.