who do I wanna be?

Chapter 1 - abandonment

Maybe it was the fact he hadn't slept in almost 3 days. Or maybe it was just his mind fucking with him but, it didn't matter. He spent all night crying.

His mind was filled with his childish yelling and his father yelling at him. He was a kid. A naive one, he thought that if he yelled back he'd stop. It only got him a open palm to the mouth. He was 10, what did you expect? It had been about 2 years. 2 years since his momma had left.

Left him with his dad, unfortunately. He prayed that he wouldn't become a fag, he prayed he wouldn't be like his dad. As a little kid all he wanted was for his dad to let him live.

It was obvious he wouldn't be given anything when his father didn't even buy him anything for his birthday. No cake, no presents, no day out, no friend's, he had nothing. Which shaped him into the sour puss he grew up to be, cold, distant, quiet, always irritated.

Worst of all. He was shaped into a bully, and his heart was cold towards anyone who thought he was wrong. There'd been a time when he was happy but, it was long gone by now.

He was sixteen now. 8 years from today, he'd been okay, okay not happy. It was a happy day though, his father pushed him on the swings he got ice cream but, when he got home his mother left. She had abandoned him, left him with his cruel father.

He believed what his father said though. After all it was his Father, he believed so badly he would never lie.

His birthday was coming up. Travis birthday was coming up and he knew he'd be spending it alone. Again. Ever since his mom left he'd spent every year. Alone.

He wanted friend's, he wanted comfort, people who would sing happy birthday and do something fun with him even if it was just one day a year. The alarm on his bedside table suddenly went off as he woke up.

I hauled my 'heavy' body from the covers quickly turning the alarm off. Of course it was 6 am it always is. I pushed up almost falling when I got up. I rubbed my eyes while I walked to the closet pulling out something random. My whole body was burning as I pushed to the restroom taking a piss before washing my face.

This was normal but, the burning part was still abnormal to wake up to. I had no idea what it was caused by but as I had no control over it I simply ignored it.

I threw on what I pulled out of my closet sighing as I peeled my pajamas off my sweaty skin.  I skimmed over what I pulled from the closet deciding it was okay.

It was the normal a button up and purple Cardigan that laid loosely over my shoulders. I still looked like crap from last night, brusie now bright and fresh. My hair was slightly matted, I felt sticky, and, that damn bruise was just sitting there. When I walked out of the restroom you can, imagine the displeasent feeling in my gut when my father's bedroom door was open.

I hurried down the stairs of my small house seeing my father holding a pill bottle up. "Travis" my father spoke calmly tilting the bottle my way. "Have you not been taking these?".

I looked down in shame giving a weak nod. "Travis take them now, you need them" I didn't want to take them I frowned opening my mouth to speak. "But, dad they don't work for me. I use them over and over but they don't seem to help" I complained. "Would you rather revisit your therapist?". He shot back.

I quieted down and took the pill bottle popping two in my mouth as the prescription said. He gave a light smile approvingly, as if he was a good father. I twisted my eye brows but grabbed my bag and headed for the door before my father spoke.

"No breakfast?" I shook my head and quickly pushed out the door. I was thankful my father wasn't drunk this morning it's the only time he's really 'bad' 'bad'.