who do I wanna be?

unknown number

It quickly became a problem that I didn't know how to make decisions. I wanted to hang out with them during break but I was scared and I didn't deserve it.

I didn't deserve a lot of things but it's not like they deserved any better. They were all disgusting all of them. They were all sinners as well wouldn't do me much good to be hanging around the even lingering the sin would rub off on me.

The first day of spring break was approaching quickly and before I knew it I was in the church on a sunny day scrubbing away at the floors. The lights in the church were off nothing but a few lit candles and the sun beaming down on the colored glass.

The light in the church was very subtle but calming as I scrubbed away with towel in hand. There weren't to many people only a few kids playing at the small playground in the back and some old folks chatting away at a table in the far back.

I had no problem with the atmosphere I was just board. As I often was.

I watched as the door swinged open and I saw an all to familiar face. There was a short kid named Caleb who came in on only Saturdays to admire the place.

We had a few chats now and then but none of them lingered and I didn't want to know him. He did the usual walked around a little talked to a few people before stopping to take a good look at me.

I soon became uncomfortable and turned from his gaze going back to scrubbing a different spot on the floor after it was clean enough.

I felt his presence and I looked up to see him gazing at me a look of caution distant in his eyes. "Um hi?" My voice came out more horse then I wanted it to frowning a little as his gaze depended.

"Hi" he replied not trying to make any further kind of conversation or anything. I turned to look back down continuing to scrub at the floor till I felt a hand creep up my shoulder.

I quickly jumped up pulling away from him "dude what the hell" I glared as he just stared at me.

"What?" "What do you mean what? Don't touch me man." I pulled back a little a further be just stared at me reaching his hand out I flinched as he ran his hand down my arm.

"Stop" I said sternly tightly grabbing his wrist.

He retracted his wrist and I quickly let go continuing to scrub at the poor floor resisting the urge to scream at the boy.

He moved closer to me leaning over me in a unsettling way like he was trying to kill me or something. "Your father's the pastor right?" He finally spoke up in a gentle voice.  I hesitated for a second before quickly nodding.

"You think he would mind if I stole you for a bit?" I nodded once again "Shame was hoping you'd say no". I stayed quiet moving forward to get a better bit of the floor.

"You really think he'd be upset if I took you for a minute" I glared at him "yes" my voice came out harsh just like I wanted it to hoping he'd pick up I didn't like him. He frowned.

"Fine geez I get it I'm leaving" he didn't leave without finding a way to irritate me dragging his hand along my back before exiting the church.

His hand along my back lingered as I continued to vigorously scrub at the floor. His touch had felt weird... I had no clue what he was trying to do or if he was just pulling my leg.

I hoped that he wouldn't come back again till next Saturday like he always does. It was weird to have some sort of other touch rather than it just getting hit or grabbed harshly. My skin it just...tingled? It felt like no matter how hard I scrubbed the touch wouldn't go anywhere.