Few months later, I found myself sitting in my room, holding my cellphone and wondering, 'Is this really happening to me?" I just got off a phone call from Aabir uncle. My work, the story, was getting published.
The following morning, after that unfortunate evening when I had let myself shout upon Ashu, I found her sitting in the balcony, reading my diary. The sight terrified me. It was experiencing a living nightmare. It was true that I shared many of my secrets with her and she does the same with me too. I knew well about her past trysts and had secured that information from ever seeing the light of day within any member of our family. But this thing with Kavya, this was one of those things that needed to be private.
Almost like the previous evening, I ran up to the her and snatched the diary away. She didn't protest. From what I could manage between the moments, it was well understood that she had almost read through the entire of it. She must have woken up really early and sneaked the diary away from my room and began reading to have almost completed it. Dismayed, I looked at her and was surprised to find tears in her eyes. 'God,' the through raced across my mind in an instant, 'She knows.' She had already met Kavya and Sid. Also knew that they were together. It wouldn't be too hard for her to deduce the rest on her own.
I sat down beside her, still holding the diary.
"Why didn't you ever tell her?" she asked me, without looking at me.
I was silent for a while wondering if I even had an answer for that myself. The morning air was cold and the faint sun rays was streaming in through the tree leaves from across the street. The day was clear and so was mind.
"Because I didn't have to. She loves Sid. She's got him. She's happy now. My feelings for her would create unnecessary complications."
"But she has a right to know. And you have a right to tell her how you feel. You guys are friends afterall."
"She also has a right to stay happy. Being her friend, is there anything more that I could want?"
She grew silent. Probably she had began to comprehend my standpoint. Then suddenly, without any word she reached over from her stool and hugged me. I could still feel the wetness in her cheeks that had cooled down over the expanse of her sitting there. I myself was trying hard to not break down. 'Control yourself', I cursed myself,' not in front of her. She should not see this.'
Regaining some of my earlier composure and remainders of strenght I said, "Sometimes Ashu, life demands such decisions of you that benefits all, and not just you."
She looked up at me and I knew she understood. "You're something, dada." She tried to smile a little seeing me smiling at her. Wiping her tears from the corners of her eyes she said,"That is a great story Dhruv da. You should get it published."
I was taken aback. "What?! This? No this is nothing. Its not-"
She didn't let me finish. "No I'm serious. Wait till I tell papa." Saying this she got up to leave. But I held her hand. She looked down at me, perplexed. I shook my head. "No."
"But Dhruv da-"
"Ashu, please," my voice was calm but she could not find it in herself to object. She sat down again.
"Promise me, you won't ever tell about this to anyone."
"Dhruv da, please-"
"Promise me Ashu."
She finally agreed and shook her head in approval.
A week later they all left. Ashu was heartbroken with their departure and had almost collapsed crying in my mother's lap. After a lot of consolation and a repeated promise that we would be visiting them during the winter holidays, did her tearshed cease.
A couple of weeks after that, on a Saturday morning, things began to take unanticipated turns. My mother was in call with Ashu's mother discussing some recepie that she wanted to try, when she called out to me from the kitchen. "Dhruv, its Aabir mama, he wants to talk to you."
I went and received the phone from her. "Hello uncle. How are you?"
"It's all good Dhruv. By the way, the reason I wanted to talk to you is about that book you wrote."
"Book?" My heart almost gave out. Ashu, what have you done?!
"Ashu told me that you wrote a book. She gave me a brief account of the story and from what I have heard, I can say it really has some potential."
"Uncle, I don't- I can't...Its-"
"Do not worry about anything, Ashu told me how shy you were about it. You don't have to think so much. You have a publishing house in your family. Could you find a better use for it? I say you send me the manuscript and I'll have my editor go through with it. If some changes are to be made, you can go through about it with you. Also, you guys are coming over for you winter holidays, and we can go over the final details. Oh yes, I almost forgot, have you thought of a name for your book?If not, we can think of something along the way-. Hey, Ashu wants to talk to you."
"Hello Dhruv da, how are you?"
I heard her gleeful voice but didn't have a heart to mouth a greeting. "Why Ashu? You promised."
"Actually, I had my fingers crossed. You see, then it doesn't count."
Fingers Crossd! Was she serious? How could she do it? Why did I trust her? I felt rage boiling up inside me and then I head Aabir uncle's voice again.
"Dhruv beta, I know you had Ashu promised not to tell anyone about your book but if I'm correct, you also told her, sometimes in life you have to make decisions for the betterment of others and not for yourself. She did just that. You have talent beta, I could understand that from what Ashu told me. I have published authors with half deserving chances. Let me do the same for someone who deserves. But the choice is finally yours. I won't push you. Also I need my editor to approve through it. So just send me the manuscript. Let me show it to him. And by then you decide if you really want it to go unpublished. I'll always respect your decision. To prove it to you, I promise not to utter a word about to anyone. Not to your father. And definitely not to your mother. Also, I'll have Ashu's lips sealed. I promise you this. No fingers crossed. Take care beta." Then the line went dead.
I sat down heavily on the sofa. My thoughts were amiss. I constantly replayed the entire conversation time and again in my head. My book, being published, was an idea I had never considered. If I went with it, what would it mean for my well secured privacy? Would everyone come to know of my secrets? What would they think of then? But then most importantly, did I care? What about Kavya and Sid? Although I have not made any such direct inclinations regarding my hidden feelings for Kavya? Only if read between the lines did the inner meaning revealed itself. Ashu managed to make the connections. She found the truth behind those words. But could my friends make it out? Again, most importantly, did I care? Kavya and Sid had one another. They had their friendship intact. They had their prospering love. What did I have? These were my own words afterall, my creation. Why should I let any external factor determine what I did with something that's exclusively mine. Amidst all these troubling questions, I had made up my mind. And also decided to act upon it. I called to my mother. "Maa, I'm going out for a bit."
I heard her inquiring voice from the kitchen, "Where are you going?"
"To the post office. There's something I need to send," I answered and went into my room to change.
