Few hours later, I found myself sitting on a bench at Kavya's house.
After Basu dida's untimely death a couple of years back, the entire house had Kavya's mother as the only occupant. Dida's son, Nikhil uncle, who stayed in a nearby town, visited once a month to collect the rent. But without her, the house looked somewhat barren. As I was sitting there, at the very place, where once she sat, with her watchful gaze over us, I couldn't help but feel a little emotional.
However, the trance was broken by Kavya's emergence from her room. She was back in her old uniform- a t-shirt and jeans.
"Let's go," she said and I got up to follow her.
On our way past Sid's house, I asked," I wonder when he is coming?"
"He isn't," she replied, without sparing a glance.
"Now who told you that?"
"Sid himself. We had a talk over the phone. Said he wasn't coming for the Puja holidays."
"WHY?"
Kavya just shrugged.
As we made our way through the narrow streets and with partly undone roads, I asked again," Where are we going?"
"Our place," she said, taking a turn around the corner that was well known to me.
Minutes later, we arrived at the railway station. The construction work had ceased years back and all that remained of it were the empty bare bricked rooms, the non functional lamp posts and the rails. We went on to sit at our usual place.
"So, what are we doing here?" I asked, wiping away the dirt and settling down beside her.
"Nothing," she replied, her voice was little more a whisper.
I remained silent for a while. "What's the matter? You look, troubled," I inquired finally.
"It's nothing," she answered. "Just that, I missed this place. Its so calm here, so serene."
I looked at her. Her eyes were closed and her face bathed in the golden light of the setting sun. The light evening breeze blew across her face, brushing the swaying strands of hair away. The remnants of the last autumn sunlight fell on her hair, making them appear like shiny silk threads. It was beginning to get too hard to tear my gaze away from her face. She looked so beautiful and too perfect.
But I checked myself. I made myself look away as soon as the thoughts came to my mind. Not now, not here, I cursed at myself. This wasn't right. This should not be happening. She's my friend. Just my friend.
"Why are you quite all of a sudden?" Her voice broke my chain of thoughts.
"Um-its nothing. I often thought of coming here when you guys weren't around. But, couldn't make it on my own. It wouldn't be the same without you. I mean, without all of us together."
She replied with a slight 'hmm' and a gentle nod.
Both of us sat there, looking at the sun sink down leaving the world a little colder, a little lonelier.
Then she asked suddenly," Have you ever liked someone, Dhruv?"
I was stunned. "Wha - What do you me-mean?" My stammer was more prominent than I would have intended.
"I mean, you know, like someone, in a different way, someone special?" The way she said the words, made me feel, that she might know everything already.
I shuddered. That was not possible. I never said a word about it about it to anyone. Not even Sid. What was she trying to get at? I looked at her, trying to study her face, her expressions, the meaning of her questioning eyes.
"Yes," I said finally and turned away. I could feel her eyes boring into me, trying to get past my defences, to know my secrets.
"Really?" She was clearly more than just surprised. "Dhruv! You never said anything. Who is it?" she continued to ask, the excitement evident in her voice.
But I was silent. I had no answer for her. None that I was prepared to give, or one that I was completely sure she wanted to hear.
She persisted on for a while and then gave up. I thought, she might have been pissed at my denial, but even if she was, she didn't show any signs of it. Instead she just nodded. "I understand."
"You do?"
"Mmhmm."
"And what is it that you understand?"
"That, you haven't yet accepted your own feelings. This makes you unsure and doubtful about your choice to confront them."
I couldn't argue with that. "What about you?" I asked, trying to dodge away from the limelight.
"What about me?"
"Do you like anyone?"
"Yes."
She grew silent after that. Even I did too. A flock of birds flew by us, clearly returning to their home at the end of the day. I was looking at their flight, the flapping of their wings, thinking about the freedom they enjoyed over all earthly beings.
"Don't you want to know who it was?" Kavya spoke up.
" 'Was' ? Not 'Is'?"
She probably didn't expect me to catch on to that. She gulped.
"You don't like that person anymore?" I continued.
"I do."
"And he doesn't?"
"I am not sure. I don't think so. No."
I could then catch a hint of reason for her melancholic nature and decided to not press her any further. Sometimes, when dealing with matters like these, a little discretion is often needed. There occurs a requirement for a safe space for privacy. Feelings are delicate, and should be treated likewise.
"Come, lets go," I ushered her.
"Where?"
"To my place. I'll make us some steaming cups of delicious coffee."
"You can make coffee?"
"Well yeah!"
"And you say I've changed," she said getting up and rubbing the dirt off her back.
