Sid stopped for a bit and sighed. "I remember the walk back to the hostel that evening. Never had I felt so alone, so left out even among the crowd around me. I felt like I didn't belong in that world anymore. With the hope of Sonali completely erased out of my life, its meaning had started to sound so empty and barren.
"I don't remember having dinner that night, or even having a laugh with my friends, but just the feeling of crashing upon my bed and curling up under the covers. That night, I let go, Dhruv and I cried. The tears welled up on their own and once they started, I didn't have the heart to stop them. They just kept coming. But no matter how worse I felt for myself, I was happy for Sonali and her boyfriend. They would get back together and be happy again. I had made sure that they did. However, the only regret I felt was not getting the chance to let her know of my feelings for her. She could never know now. What I had, would be left inside me, forever. Could I live with it? I had no other choice but to accept it. And it crushed me. It swept me away and tore me apart into little pieces. It was in the midst of all this, that sleep finally took me. And then, I dreamed of her."
"Dreamed of whom? Sonali?" I asked.
"No, not her," he answered, almost hesitant to go forth anymore. "I dreamed of Kavya."
I was silent, not knowing what to say and he went on.
"It had been almost a year since that dreadful evening that I had really thought about her. Sure, we stayed in touch, but it was minimal. I was so carried away with my feelings for Sonali, that I had lost track of almost everything and everyone else around me. And that included even you. I am really sorry, Dhruv. I had grown so selfish of my own wants and desires, that I had forgotten about what I already had. And that night, to my shame, I realized it.
"I saw all of it again, Dhruv. I dreamed that entire evening again, relived each and every moment that had passed. I felt the rush of anger as I slapped that guy on the face, the fear of seeing Kavya's tears as she cursed me. It felt so real, like it was happening for the very first time. And everything was so unexpected. Even her kiss. The only thing that was different, was the realization, the numbness of the pain clouded all around us. I knew then, what Kavya might have felt that day. Probably even worse.
"I felt so guilty, Dhruv. She possessed the courage to confront her feelings which I never had. And what did she get in return? Just hurt and pain. That too, for a lie. A fucking lie. She never deserved any of it."
He looked at me then, with tears in his eyes, his voice breaking down unnaturally. "I miss her Dhruv. I miss her so terribly. I know now what she meant by those words she said. I know now what she really means to me. People say, you need one hit to know that you are in love. Maybe, I was hit by mine. But then, I am very confused, for both of us. Am I being selfish again? Running back to the arms of someone I had hurt terribly just because I was hurt myself. Is it just? But I do want to talk to her. I want to tell her the way I have been feeling about her. I want her to know that I have changed. And to be honest, I am scared, Dhruv. What would she think of me once I tell her all this? Would she accept me after all that she has been through, just because of me? Am I really worthy of her? What should I do?"
I realized that Sid was actually asking for my opinion. But I didn't have any advice for him. I stayed silent for a while, trying to soak in all the information, to be reasonable,and to not break down. "You should tell her how you feel," I spoke finally.
"You sure about this?"
"Yes. You need to confess everything to her and let her decide the rest. Afterall, she is your friend and trusted you with her own secret, didn't she?"
"I guess-"
"Don't think too much. She's coming back home in a few days anyway. If both of you are sure about what your heart really wants, everything would fall into place. All we have for each other, is the truth. That is what matters the most."
"You're right," he nodded in approval. "I'll will tell her all of it and leave myself at her mercy," he muttered, more to himself than to me.
I could not bear it anymore. I already had too much for the evening than I could have handled. My nerves were giving up. I couldn't hold myself up for much longer.
"Ah! I remember now. You too had something to say. What is it?" he asked suddenly.
"Just nothing. It's-" I began to lie just as my phone rang out. I took it out of my pocket, gave it a glance and shoved it back in. "It's mom. I need to get back home. She was out, and I have the keys, so-" I managed somehow, getting up to leave.
"Catch you later, dude," I heard him say as I turned away hurriedly, stealing my eyes away from him and waving my hand in return. My phone was still ringing in my pocket as I turned around the corner. I looked back to see if he was following, then took it out and shut off the regular evening alarm. It worked as the perfect getaway. I began to run back towards my home.
As I crossed the playground, a deliberate shortcut, I heard a voice calling my name. I stopped and turned around to face Prashant. "Hey bro, whats the hurry? By the way, whats with your eye-" I don't know what happened all of a sudden and everything was a haze. The last thing of that evening I remember was, Prashant lying on the road, his hand covering his red cheeks and me racing back to my home with a stinging palm and hot tears blurring my vision.
