Ease my mind | Merluca

1 - Corner of the sky

Present
3 Months after Andrew's diagnosis

Today was Andrew's first day back at the hospital. Not completely. He had been back to work after his diagnosis for a couple of days a few weeks ago. But now he was an attending.

And despite the Covid-circumstances, it felt special to him to finally wear his dark blue scrubs.

And for the first time in a long time he was truly proud of himself. A lot has happened. A lot he was still working on. But he finally became the surgeon he wanted to be, the dream he promised to fight for.

~~~

Past

"Since day one, all I ever wanted was to be like you, like all of you. You know, just accomplish the impossible, make a difference in people's lives. And the more I do that, the more you all just judge me and call me crazy, and I'm not! And I'm sick of it, and I'm done!" - Andrew

"But you are accomplishing the impossible, and that's why I can't let you quit." - Meredith

"I'm not your business anymore, Meredith! I don't work for you and I don't love you!" - Andrew

"But I love you. I love you. You went to jail for me. You saved me from myself. I cannot let you walk away from this. Just take some time, take the suspension, but come on, this is not how this ends." - Meredith

"If you tell Bailey to call the national trafficking hotline and investigate that girl... I'll take the suspension." - Andrew

"Done." - Meredith

And then he left. He quickly went down the stairs, not sure where to go. He just felt like he needed to be alone. Meredith's words didn't make any sense to him anymore. They were turning over and over in his mind. She said she loved him but she thought he was like his father? She seemed like she wanted to believe him but she didn't help when he tried to convince them to help that girl? She knew him so well, and yet, she didn't trust him to be him? He wasn't his dad!

"Hey. Where are you going?" He almost ran into Carina on his way to the parking lot. He wished he hadn't. She seemed like she didn't believe in him anymore either. Just like everyone else in this hospital. Why couldn't they see that he just wanted to help. That he needed to help before it was too late. It hurt to know that no one believed him.

"I- I need to be alone." He answered, not even looking up, just trying to get past her.

"Andrea, please." Of course, she didn't let him get away with that. He felt her take his arm, making him stop for a moment. He took a deep breath before he turned around to face her.

"Carina, I'm fine."

"Be careful, please!" He could see the tears in her eyes. But he didn't have the mind for that right now. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes before he turned around and left, leaving her behind.

Everything has its season
Everything has its time
Show me a reason
And I'll soon show you a rhyme
Cats sit on the window sill
Children sit in the snow
Why do I feel I don't fit in anywhere I go?

Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I've got to be where my spirit can run free
Gotta find my corner
Of the sky