Ease my mind | Merluca

4 - Grow as we go

Present

Andrew just finished his paperwork at the nurses' station when he noticed a familiar presence behind him. And even before he turned around, he already knew who it was.

"Hey, you said, you wanted to talk?" Meredith greeted him with a small smile.

"Yeah. I- only if you have time right now?" He asked gently, slightly surprised that she could find the time for him so fastly during her work day.

"Sure, you want to go somewhere more..." She trailed off, looking around at all the doctors and nurses around them, before she looked at him again, as if to make her point clear.

"...private?" He finished for her, with a small smile on his lips.

"Yeah." She chuckled slightly.

"Yeah, that would be nice." He joined her, chuckling, too. He loved how easy she made it for him to let go of all his worries for just a moment.

They went through the hallway, looking for a room, when Andrew brought them into a small exam room.

"This exam-room?" Meredith looked at him, raising her eyebrow a little.

"Yes. I have good memories in here." It's not like he would ever forget that he confessed his feelings for her in this room for the first time. He couldn't keep the smile from his lips at the memories. Ever since that day, she just kept amazing him more and more in all the different but beautiful ways.

"Me too."She added a bit more quietly, while looking at him with a small smile on her lips.

"In my defense, all the other rooms were already occupied." He added after a while, trying to take away the tension that came with their words, making Meredith and him chuckle a little.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" She asked softly after a few more moments.

"I- about-" He hesitated turning more serious again before he took a deep breath and then looked up at her "'Us'... If there is still an 'us'..."

"Andrew."

"It's... There are a lot of things I don't know how to feel about. I don't know how you feel... I just- I- I feel like my whole life has changed. It's still changing. And I... need to find myself again somewhere in it first."

"Do you still think, I can't be there in this with you? In that change." She asked ever so softly, but he could see the pain she tried to hide in her eyes. And while he didn't know how to feel, he knew that he never wanted her to feel that pain because of him.

"Would you want to try again?" He asked her, trying to find her eyes.

~~~

Past

"What seems like a weakness, is actually a strength. If you get help. Because you care so deeply, you fight so hard for your patients, for the people you love. That's not illness. That's you." - Meredith

"My whole life, I have had one goal, one thing that would mean I did okay. Don't end up like my dad. I wanted it more than being a surgeon. One thing, and I just... I failed."

.

"All we are asking you to do is fight as hard for yourself as you do for everybody else." - Meredith

"Okay." - Andrew

He accepted their help. But he had no idea where to go from there. They asked him whether he was ready to talk with the therapist or wanted some minutes. If he was honest, he didn't feel ready for any of this. All he wanted was the pain he felt to stop.